Tenth day of July, year of grace 2021

Tom & Tina’s Tearoom, Holne, Dartmoor

Wind:- SW veering NW 3-5

Weather:- Rain later

 DOLDRUMS DONE!

After the longest period ever becalmed in the Doldums, in all the years the MALARKEY’s log records, finally we’re underway again.  Many of the crew have been laid low by fever; others clapped in irons and locked up by incomprehensible orders from the distant Admiral of the Fleet. Finally! A whisper of wind; dank lank sails that hung impotently down shivered, stirred - the whisper became a breeze, the breeze became a fair and steady wind. Surviving crew members overjoyed climbed aloft again to man their usual stations, drilled by topmast-hand Alfredo Heights.

All the buoys, opening the Festival, let rip with a rip-roaring set of shantys - halyard, capstan, and erotic. Crowds from the newly liberated populace gathered in the port of Exmouth’s Manor Gardens to celebrate - the finest party for many a year - and clapped, sang along, danced. Three HUZZAHS! for organizers The Grapevine Brewhouse and the Spoken Cafe teams who had at last minute gathered a wonderful array of alcoholic and gastronomic delights from every corner of the globe to rapture every shorebound matelot.

Billy Bow Locks serenaded the crowds with the hopefully prophetic shanty - GOOD DAY COMING! GOOD DAY TOMORROW! But his request for a woman with a great big bum was sadly declined - though after a year and a half at sea every woman present seemed beauteous beyond compare, and every man brave and handsome. The crew record their gratitude to our afterguard who kept up morale during the long doldrums, and for every man jack who today pulled their weight - the MALARKEY’s on her way again.

Seventh and eighth daies of  September, year of grace 2019
West Quay, Great Yarmouth
Wind: NW 3 or 4 backing SW
Weather: Drizzly and changeable, clearing later

Far West to furthest East, to the shores where Nelson learned to sail, the Malarkey finally warped alongside at Great Yarmouth. The crew, freed form the rigours of a hard windward passage, proceeded to  spread Exmouth anarchy and raucous joy .... with the chef and waitress of an Italian restaurant, and after a magnificent breakfast of local delicacies (fresh bacon and  Norfolk eggs) proceeded to sing their Hearts of Oak out on The Fo’c’sle, in Horatio’s Bar, and on the raised Poop deck of a main stage opposite HMS Bangor.  She let rip a fusillade of gun fire coincidentally at exactly the moment in Ank’s  tragicall account of the  storming of Quebec and the death of General Wolfe as the slaughter commenced.

The steam yacht SS George Stevenson, clearly moved by our obvious gusto, joined in with the loudest steam hooter and klaxon the Buoys have ever heard – a semitone off key. Many of our shanties celebrate yesterday’s triumphs and technology and the struggle to harness wind power – main course, topsail. t’gallant, jib and spanker – but now in Yarmouth, again wind-power rules, with a fleet of racing catamarans that service the hundreds of Wind Turbines and Generators  growing on the North Sea’s shallow offshore sandbanks.

If like Eamon Fyre we remember seamanship that involves ‘every thumb a marlin-spike, and every finger a fid’ these new vessels seem as mysterious and futuristic as  the Starship  Enterprize, but truly are part of the same adventure to tame and harness  the wild wind and sea to our use.

Every ship of the line has a tender – jollyboat, gig, whaler – but our utilitarian tender (a.k.a. Fordtransit) gave up the ghost halfway back home, and with a sound like gunfire (steel on stone)  and a desperate hiss, the starboard bow propeller exploded.

Carpenter Cameron Nails sang lustily and gustily what was emerging as the festival’s theme song, ‘ In Yarmouth town there  lived a man .... with a daughter fair, pretty little thing with golden hair’ but  as to whether  he found a string to pull, or anyone actually pulled his, this Log must remain forever silent.

The Seven Stars (Ursa MInor - pointing to Polaris, true N, and guiding generations of seamen safely home through the dark) had guided the entire hamlet of Kennford into the recently resurrected gastro-pub for a charity Shanty Night for Male Mental Health.

Tenth day of February, year of Grace 2020
Galmpton hamlet, Dartside, Nr. Brixham, Devon
Weather:- Named storm Ciara – tempest rain and wind
Weather:- Severe gale becoming storm  f.9/10  W/SW

Galampton creek off the River Dart has seen many fine vessels slide down the slipways, and many others subside in cosy mud berths there in their declining years. The buoys on a run ashore were delighted to be invited to celebrate the anniversary of the launch of a fine trim vessel – The Sweet Ann – on this day eighty years ago.

As the wind blew, the rain rained, and the storm increased, the crew ashore were delighted to find a safe haven, and pleased to add their manly voices to the Birthday Celebration. And Anne, after a lifetime of enjoying shanties and forebitters, sang along with the best.

In our chill Northern mid-winter, the more louche of the crew fantasised about bikini-clad beauties on distant sun-kissed beaches a hemisphere away – Cococabana and the Rio Grande – but the majority were delighted to find warmth and welcome in a loving household ashore, and wish Ann & her family Fair Winds, Happy Havens, & Convivial Carousing. And so say all of us.

Summoned by the Blue Peter flying from the yard arm, the Malarkey’s crew – bleary, bloated, or bright-eyed – forgathered from their Hogmanay carousing, to celebrate a New Year, and a new Decade (however  decayed some felt) in the once mighty transatlantic salt-cod port of Lympstone, now declined to a genteel backwater.

 Nobly piloted by Wayne the Anchorman,  sailing master for the occasion, the Buoys did indeed weigh anchor, sally forth, and set sail for the first cruise of the year, and shared seasonal stories of Tall Ships and tipsy Tavern Tales with gusto, to an appreciative audience. Melodies varied from Albert Truss’ lyrical poetic evocation of his namesake Albatross, to Billy’s stomping Leaving of Liverpool, his sea-boots even louder and  rougher than  his voice – and the rest of a full crew covered all points on the spectrum in-between – poignant and passionate, vulgar and variegated, too many to mention in this log individually, but a good time was had by every man Jack of the Exmouth Shanty Men – and one Woman - and all agreed, an excellent  shakedown cruise into a new year, whatever reefs and wrecks lie ahead.

Twelfth day of November, year of grace 2019
Alphington Village Hall
Wind:- Var. 1-3
Weather:- Autumnal, occ. Showers

Sailing master Eamon Fyre ably led the Malarkey’s crew with the Aim (as befits ship’s gunner) of adding doubloons and ducats  to the urgent rebuilding of this collapsing Community Theatre, which had become as leaky, hogged, and unsparred as a derelict hulk. As befits a theatrical charity gig, we attempted our signature two act dramatic performance – TALL SHIPS & TAVERN TALES.

Eamon demonstrated his STAGE FIGHTING and fencing  prowess too, and the previously hidden Terpsichorean Talents of the Buoys came to the fore. Cameron Nails, sounding like a would-be prime minister at election time, offered to PAY EVERYONE’S RENT (as long as they were SWEET LADIES – of which he is a connoisseur and expert). Levi Shore saluted the fair sex with ‘Good morning LADIES ALL (his chronometer only 12 hours out) and shantying lustily, helped the Buoys master the rhythm method – of pulling!

Ship’s saw-bones Doc  Dai Wright, as usual up there with Will Shakespeare, shared epic tales of doom, disaster, destruction, death and TRAGEDY -  The doomed Bold Benjamin and Billy o’ Shea R.I.P.

We salute Alfredo Heights, clearly wanting a shore job as Theatre Dresser, who created mayhem with the Millinery – more Alice in Wonderland MAD HATTER than helpful.  Albert Truss provided one truly POETIC & LYRICAL  moment among the anarchy, invoking the magnificent  MOLLYMAUK and souls of dead sailors soaring over the Southern Ocean – and unlike his fellow ANCIENT MARINER, didn’t shoot it down at the last minute. Our one woman, Helen Highwater, as always stole the show, and as a feisty Landlady in a very rough pub, had the Buoys eating out of her hand - as all agreed, HEAVEN’S A BAR.

The Village Hall was as snug, and the acoustics as excellent, as a wooden ship’s  fo’c’sl – and the audience  extremely kindly, assuming our moments of absent-minded silence and amnesia, or desperate IMPRO, were actually carefully crafted WAITING FOR GODOT Becket and Pinter MODERNISM.

Quill the Bosun, having whetted his whistle, finally following much classic and period Dramatalurgical Decorum, and concluded  proceedings with a MORAL  EPILOGUE totally unjustified by his previous behaviour. GET MARRIED INSTEAD! Spend all night in bed! (Who with!?)   

But overall, the crew managed a sort of ragged MUSIC HALL mayhem, and truly delighted to share the real dramas and disasters of life at sea crafted by unknown poets “more used to holding a marlin spike than a pen” whose lusty, poignant, evocative verses survive in shantys and forebitters – and all agreed we would love another RUN ASHORE to the RE-LAUNCHING of the ALPHINGTON SHED THEATRE.

Night of November 7th, year of Grace 2019 / aka 1805
Britannia Royal Naval College, Dartmouth,  Junior Officers Mess
Wind: variable 3 or less
Weather: sea fret, occ. rain

For the first time for many moons the crew of the Malarkey found themselves completely back in their true 19^th Century element – gorgeous women in corsets and coiffeurs, Marines in redcoats, dashing young Officers in various degrees of ecstasy or exhaustion after a hard-won victory, a stray shark, landsmen of rank and breeding, and lower orders gathered to celebrate the glorious and tragic news, first heard by ragged west-country sailors and fishermen like us, as HMS Pickle beat into Mounts Bay, before Captain Lapenotiere’s mad cross-country dash from Falmouth to their Lordships  of the Admiralty in Whitehall.

 Likewise heroically dashing from the Port of Plymouth to the Dart, Musician Griselda Sanderson set  toes tapping and bosoms bouncing with wonderful jigs and reels and sailors’ hornpipes on her historical Hardanger Fiddle and Nyckelharpa – when suddenly, devastatingly, the Press Gang arrived, and all and sundry, duly Impressed, found themselves in the low and sweaty confines of  a ship of the Line’s gun deck, anaesthetized there with a pannikin of grog from the barrel, and offered a square meal, each course  eaten with a wooden spoon from the same bowl.

 Mal de Mer shared the news and proclaimed:   The Hearts of Oak have won; we’ll fight and we’ll conquer, and  BRITANIA RULES!  Wayne the Anchorman, desperate to be allowed off watch, pleaded with the Mate to strike the bell – but because the Malarkey had mislaid hers, was greeted with a chorus of premature ‘dongs’ on HMS Britannia’s campanological clanger.

 The Buoys told and retold the perils the fleet had faced and overcome at Trafalgar: a traumatized  Albert Truss told of  the terror of Fire Down Below. Billy Bowlocks, reliving the roar of battle, delivered Broadsides that shook the deckhead and  rattled the rigging, but prophesied a Good Day Coming Tomorrow.

 Helen Highwater, crew’s sweetheart, had every matelot eating out of her hand as she declared her preference for a rolling sailor to a soldier any night. Bosun Curly Quill offered a taste of today’s nautical fare – Chicken on a Raft – but all present were well satisfied with the solid 18^th century stew and duff – perfect ballast for rough weather. Gunner Eamon Fyre gave a salutary warning about over indulging in Grog – ignored by all and sundry, as more than a drop of Nelson’s Blood was tossed back.

Ship’s Chaplain Bish squeezed in (and out) a deeply disguised Parable of Resurrection from the Dead – Newfie Jack returning from the belly of the whale – and indeed the whole company, headgear removed, paused and silently remembered departed friends and crewmates as an enormous candle was lit on the top table. A remembrance of the real perils, losses, sacrifices, and courage of our forces today, as in times past. As we re-enacted the stories of Nelson, Collingwood, The Victory, Lieutenant Lapenotiere,  and the speedy Topsail schooner Pickle, the crew of the Malarkey hereby thank and salute the young men and women of The Royal Navy who are their successors today, and thank them all for sharing the best Pickle Night ever.

St. Crispin’s Day, this  year of Grace 2019
The Point Bar & Grill, Exmouth
Wind: SW gale, force 9
Weather: Torrential rain

A dark and stormy night, so black we can hardly see our hands in front of us; headgear is hurled seawards by storm force gusts, as this band of brothers struggle through the tempest towards Exmouth Dock.

Young courageous Lifeboatmen reach out to grasp the hands of Shantymen, inadequately clad in flapping slops rags and tatters, staggering through the chaos. Fishes normally lying safely on the sea bed,  fly by in mid air borne by the hands of beauteous mermaids.

No, not an actual sinking and rescue, thank Neptune, but the annual RNLI benefit gig at the Point Bar & Grill, as Exmouth’s noble lifeboat crew members welcomed a skeleton crew of Exmouth Shanty Men to provide a bit of salty cabaret at the fish supper and banquet.

The Buoys did their best, but in the middle the lifeboat pagers suddenly went off – a shout on this dirty night? Men and women struggled into their all-weather  boots, survival suits, oilies, lifejackets and helmets in record time – actually all part of the entertainment, and an excellent night was had by all.  We were honoured to play our own small part in this vital event, and delighted that several diners went home grasping phonographic ESM recordings, hygienically wrapped in cellophane to avoid cross-infection, as further donations to the cause.

Three Cheers for Richard and his team at the Point for this generous fund-raiser, and loud Huzzahs for our Lifeboat Crew, who are ever ready to go out in appalling conditions, saving lives at sea.

28th & 29th daies of September, year of Grace 2019
Bars and Taverns and Dives of the above mentioned Port
Wind:- S.W. f. 6 increasing 8 at times
Weather:- Gales; torrential rain, clearing later

The Malarkey out of Exmouth tacked 10 nautical miles down channel – but upwind – in the teeth of the predicted Autumnal gales, for the mouth of the Teign ... and the pubs and taverns of the ancient ports of Shaldon and Teignmouth, there to be warmly welcomed by anarchic local crew The Back Beach Boyz and loyal helpers, who had laid on a wonderful end-of-summer Shanty Festival, and gathering of Shipmates old and new from the wild Western shores of the increasingly Disunited Kingdom.

Teignmouth is still a working port as it has been for centuries with medieval ferries, exquisite pleasure boats, inshore fishing craft and huge ocean-going ball-clay freighters that squeeze alongside the quays with inches to spare; and dark low-beamed, nook-and-crannied pubs – all creating the perfect authentic venue for 27 different crews to shanty, shout, sing, and make the rafters roar, with, always, appreciative crowds squeezed around as close as pilchards in a barrel. All around too, demonstrations and workshops of maritime arts and crafts – many of which our crew could do with educating in – knotting, bends and hitches, flags, and we definitely need a crab pot or two.

The taverns were warm and welcoming, but oddly distant powers-that-be had refused to allow singing in the streets, perhaps fearing shantying’s subversive anarchic style and un-p.c. and occasionally vulgar lyrics and metaphors – all of which were lapped up by audiences indoors. (The Royal Navy, after a brief trial, likewise abolished shanties as workings songs and replaced them with numbers, as ‘endangering  discipline’ and encouraging those before the  mast to satirise or parody the afterguard.) This log is delighted to record that a couple of buskers, inspired by the Buoys’ performance, set off to have a go in the streets outside                                                                               

ESM tacked merrily between The Ice-Factory, The Ship Inn, The King Billy, Molloys, Ye Olde Jolly Sailor (and it really was) and the waterside New Quay Inn,  where the organizers had laid on a free feast to gladden the hearts and fill the bellies of visiting crews – honest down to earth-grub, the best of the West, warm enough to keep the chilly autumn winds out, generous and plentiful enough to anchor us to any heaving and pitching deck  (a welcome change from salt horse, Boston beans and hard-tack) and tasty enough to die for. Talking of which, an excellent one-off ale – Teign Shanty – specially brewed for the Festival in its second year.

The crew unite with this log in recording their warmest thanks to the organizing committee and team and we look forward to heaving-to or dropping our hook again in the Teign next year.

Twenty fourth to twentysixth daies of August, year of grace 2019
Shrewsbury Folk Festival
Wind: var. 1 to 2
Weather: Blistering – pitch melts, Jamaica rum evaporates

The Malarkey, after a brief spell hove to, is now headed 100 leagues northward. Like Ulysses we barely escaped the enchantments and spells woven by Incubus Succubus  luring us to the dreamy south  - Penzance -  where they had invoked the Spirit of SABRINA – we love her, we fear her, she’s never tame. But lo and behold, on our arrival further N. than we had ever penetrated before, our first haven was... SABRINA marquee.  Tack by tack, punching through  traffic, oft becalmed by motorway madness, we has made it to windward from the mouth to well nigh the source of the mighty Severn, Sabrina herself, who  coiled serpent-like around the grassy almost islands and hillocks where, with thousands around us, we rigged our temporary bivouacs ashore.

To our delight and astonishment, in a marquee big enough to contain the entire hull of HMS Victory (minus topmasts ) a capacity crowd cheered us on.  Every man jack (and one woman) did their utmost, and many agreed it had been our finest hour.  Nelson’s gun crews had practiced and drilled to perfection over long hours at sea, and likewise, our  long winter nights in The Beach practicing (and imbibing) finally paid off, and the Buoys delivered their BROADSIDES, BALLADS and SHANTYS with perfect timing, pace, and aim, without deviation, hesitation, or desertion. Truly a memorable series of performances – Huzzah!  Invidious to name any, for each and every one of the buoys (and one handsome cabin  â€˜boy ’) gave of their utmost. The afterguard and officers of the SV  Malarkey hereby wish their gratitude and appreciation to be formally recorded in the Log – honourable mention in despatches  for the entire crew who exhausted, under fire, yet DID THEIR DUTY.

Furthermore, at two crowded workshops following, we were delighted to inspire others to have a go.  Inspired by Helen Highwater’s lament for Lord Franklin, two delightful young ladies sang ‘Northwest passage’- the words, as befits a new generation, were mysteriously concealed inside a newly invented mechanical glass memory mirror, rather than hid in balding heads and behind shaggy beards.

At a final children’s workshop a young volunteer signalman hoisted the immortal message DUTY HIS DO TO MAN EVERY EXPECTS ENGLAND  (he got it upside down first time) as we recounted Trafalgar and persuaded them “A drop of Nelson’s blood (and various otter delicacies) wouldn’t do them any harm.” And Lorelli, age 9, composed and sang a brand new shanty, splicing together shipwreck, disaster, loneliness and the mysteries of the sea – shades of Terror, Erebus, and Marie Celeste. Chorus: The wind will blow and the waves will crash and the sea will sing when I’m drowning ...”

This Log is pleased to report that even as today’s shanty crews are scuttled by anno domini or broached-to by amnesia, the future of shantying is in safe hands, and the  good ship Malarkey will sail on victorious.

The Buoys had been invited from a chance meeting in Gloucester Docks  -  ships that pass in the night – to be the warm-up act Inkubus Sukkubus ... a “Dark Goth neo-Pagan” post punk folk-rock ensemble on their 30^th anniversary tour of the South West. Their many fans in flowing black robes, black lace, top-hats, black bodices, buckled black boots and dangling silver jewellery contrasted dramatically with the Malarkey’s crew in their washed-out sea-stained sun- bleached white canvas Slops and Tatters.

17th day of August, year of Grace 2019

Day two of the IS 30th Anniversary Tour finds a  crowd as jam-packed as steerage on an emigrant ship squeezed into Boscastle’s tiny village hall, which had survived  the catastrophic floods here on this exact August date 15 years ago, to enjoy an evening of Magik and mayhem with the wondrous and melodious  Pagan/Goth coven Inkubus Sukkubus – and us. The buoys, as sailors ashore ever do, did a pre-concert warm-up and pub crawl of the tiny harbour’s three taverns – and in the Napoleon rattled the antique rafters with GO DOWN YOU BLOOD RED ROSES.

A magical evening was had by all – strange sea fogs were conjured up from nowhere for ‘JACK, EV’RY INCH A SAILOR’, braving the impenetrable pea-soupers of the  Grand Banks of Newfoundland. Mal de Mer, recovered not from what his moniker might intimate, but from a nasty bout of contagious amnesia the night before, gave a wonderous and riotous rendition of ‘NEW YORK GIRLS’.  Sam and Billy leaping to the fore, proved whatever New York girls can’t do, Cornish Lassies and Witching Girls can – as they danced the polka the length and breadth of the village hall. Billy twirled so enthusiastically that he vanished completely from sight, and strange to tell, when he eventually reappeared his partner had been transformed from a lissom ladye into a strapping man! Well, it was billed as an evening of magic and wonder. Transmogrification the order of the day, and even more the night. The entire crew of SV Malarkey tired, replete and happy, tacked back to Exmouth in the dark after midnight watch.

Freya’s Day, being ye ninth day of August, year of grace 2019

Storm survivors huddled into the welcoming Pavilion Theatre, the plush seats a welcome relief after rain, mud, and flapping canvas – tent or square-rigger!  A full crew of the Buoys – and one woman – gave a final full-throated and swashbuckling performance of their  signature two-part Show  of Shanties and Forebitters – Tall Ships & Tavern Tales.

The theatre was equipped with proper flies, as well as brilliant lighting and sound, and traditional blocks and tackles – so soon a panoramic age-of- sail square- rigger canvas backdrop was hoisted aloft  and belayed, and the voyage began.  Part One, work songs and Shanties – first outward bound, then homeward.   Alfredo Heights lamented the hardships and horrors of the ‘Greenland Whale Fishery’, but indeed conditions outside seemed as Arctic and stormy as anything the  Northern latitudes could throw at us.  Bosun Curly Quill vowed he would  ‘Go to sea no more’ and ‘go sleeping with no whores’ – sensible advice in the conditions. We will watch his resolve with interest.  Albert Truss, restored to full health, vowed to hang everyone and everything in sight, tho’ his ‘Hanging Johnny’ owes as much to the hard sweat of hoisting and hanging sails aloft as to any shenanigans of Jack Ketch.

Part Two, safe on shore (temporarily) in a typical tavern, the Buoys sang, boasted, exaggerated, caroused. The lovely but strict landlady, Helen Highwater, welcomed the crew with ‘Heaven’s Bar’, and the entire crew hymned the mythical  ‘ Betty Stoggs’- an ale as rich, rounded and unputdownable as a hobnail-booted Cornish  fish-wife.

Eamon Fyre lamented he’d lost everything – clothes, shoes, wife – with his predilection  ‘for his Grog’. Mal de Mer polkad  passionately with a local floozie, and barely escaped with his life. Our Anchorman, after an earlier punch-up with a policeman, and  in a rare moment of sobriety, prayed ‘God be by my side.’  And so say all of us.

LA MANCHE comme un Millpond so even the greenest members of the crew arrived at the delightful port of Paimpol more or less their normal colour (rose tacheté.) Assembled therein for the Festival, Breton fishing boats with the buxom bows, lucscious curves, incomparable buttocks and circus-bright paint-patterns as colourful as every sailor’s lonely erotic fantasy. The harbour jam-packed as in days of yore for the tunny run, the cod fishery,  the herring haul – so close you could walk dry-shod across.

The Malarkey’s crew had difficulty entering – security was tight. In what may have been a dry-run for Brexit Border Control, we could not enter to collect our promised passes and documents awaiting us within, without the said entry documents and passes in order to enter. Kafka rules OK!  After complex negotiations in Franglais and Semaphore, we finally made safe harbour.

Our Anchorman and Navigator Ank piloted us flawlessly through the reefs,  rocks, shoals and winding sea-ways and interstices of the French transport system, to our desired haven – with only one vessel of the three in the fleet being lost, who turned a Nelsonic eye on documented Sailing Orders, and attempted a daring night raid on Paris and points East.

Wayne himself made a brief foray to the Land  ‘East of the Sun and West of the Moon’ but retuned unharmed to warm plaudits and much relief, and sang, appropriately, ‘ROLLING HOME’  to a packed and cheering Officers’ Mess.

Ships that meet: the fine Brig PHOENIX out of Charlestown, and the MALARKEY out of Exmouth. We were welcomed on board to sing and haul, to Chantyman Sam Minella’s new-made shout ‘ HAULEY I-OH’, and all aboard  Yoicked with gusto.  As we prepared for our first quayside set a Samba Band armed with oil drums, a marching platoons of Breton Bombard and Bagpipe players (the bagpipes as continuo while the apple-cheeked  Bombad players recovered and prepared for their next acoustic bombardment) and another band warming up nearby, all struck up simultaneously - and the overall PA system on nearby lampposts joined in with Shantys in a different key from Mission Control headquarters, all at our designated station.  As at Trafalgar, our lads kept their courage and cool, climbed aloft on their old sea chests, and like BRAVE NANCY PERRIMAN of Exmouth, performed superbly under fire, and gave themselves 120 percent to a gathering crowd.

Quatrième et cinquième jours d'août, année de grâce 2019

Among the midnight big-name mega-amplified French bands on the main stages; omnipresent drum and bass modern and traditional ( electronics or marching brass and sousaphones) Dancers bottom-waggling exotic or Breton stately, variously in feathers and body paint or lace head-dresses and traditional tail coats; the painted ladies and performance artistes; the Celtic- Punk Folk-Rock fusion; an escaped gorilla - King Kong hoisting a bombarde player aloft;  and the hallucogenic steam-punk fusion of man machine and beast, mechanical monsters, levitating sea horses, brontosaurus-big pecking flamingos ... and ever flowing excellent Breton Du Vin et la bière et du cidre, with genuine tradional Pecheurs and Shipwrights and Caulkers all hard at work, the Buoys own modest contribution of ACTUAL Sea-Shanties and Forebitters was warmly welcomed  as a vital and authenic part of the exotic mix that is the biennial Paimpol Festival.

Our rough and ready crew are often at their best Busking and interacting with crowds – making up for their lack of sophistication or linguistic skills (Anglais typique) by grabbing volunteers with the same horny hands and finesse they use for hauling halyards and heaving cargoes. Notable exception, the most educated man aboard, our ship’s surgeon, Mr Dai Wright, who not only sings in tune, but speaks excellent French, and wowed the crowds with ‘LA CAPITAINE DE SAN MALO’, ‘PIQUE LA BALENE’ (apparently about harpooning a lover rather than a whale??) and ‘DU RHUM, DES FEMMES, ET D’LA BIER ....’  we are delighted to report that ESM, beside consuming rum and beer, has an actual FEMME, the crew’s sweetheart Helen Highwater, aboard for this trip, who tells the touching story of THE HANDSOME CABIN BOY. (You can probably guess the outcome.)

The entire crew, each man-jack – and woman – warmly thank the chefs, les boulangers, les pâtissiers, les pêcheurs, les agriculteurs, les cuisiniers de Paimpol pour la meilleure Festival Food the crew ‘ve experienced – a welcome change from ‘Salt-horse cracker-hash and Boston beans that make us sore’. We fear mutiny among  the Buoys unless such standards can be maintained at forthcoming English festivals. Led by topsail hand Alfredo Heights (always high and happy) we attempted to sing our thanks to the kitchen staff. ‘ WE’LL SING AND WE’LL DANCE, AND BID FAREWELL TO FRANCE ...’ the first two with tipsy gusto, the latter with regret as we rowed on our way.

Last-night late-night survivors sang aboard the magnificent (2^nd?) fastest Le Havre 1894 Pilot Cutter MARIE-FERNAND, and wished them and rival JOLIE BRISE ‘jolly breezes’-  fair winds indeed. Nous remercions les bonnes personnes de Paimpol pour leur hospitalité, leur accueil chaleureux, et pour nous faire à une petite mais importante partie du festival biennal fantastique. Au revoir, jusqu'à la prochaine fois.

27^th Day of July, year of grace 2019

Dartmouth

Wind: NW 4 gusting 5

Weather: sunny intervals

A rare day, a rattling day – the gates thrown open of the most beautiful  college of the greatest  Royal Navy in the finest natural all-weather harbour in Devon. Therein performed  and demonstrated  magnificent Wind Orchestras, a  Military Wives  choir, Commandos in Combat, the  Royal Marines Band formation marching and beating the retreat, a Bomb Disposal Unit,  antique tractors and  cars, Transatlantic rowers, Helicopters, Naval  Picket boats breasting the waves, smart young Officers in training – and us.

Albert Truss, oarsman (?) posing with 4 young heroes about to row the Atlantic, launched into ‘Hard on the beach oar, she moves too slow!’ (A CD the crew will surely throw overboard before halfway across!?)

Bosun Curly Quill sang his signature ‘Chicken on a raft’ to the first audience ever to actually understand what the words mean.

Surrounded by the smartest sailors, male and female, with impeccable uniforms and haircuts, Billy Bow Locks let loose his rampant erectile beard and  gale force rendition of his vicious barbering techniques in days of yore –‘ I grabs ‘em by the noses oh, and scrapes ...’

Chaplain Canon Fodder was raptured by the voluptuous 12 feet tall figurehead of Britannia herself  – at last a bosom to clutch as elevated as his fevered imaginings of his roving encounter  with a Maid in Amsterdam, and she was mistress of her trade ....  (Don’t tell the Bishop)

Levi Shore, despite his name, equally raptured by the delicious craft bobbing on the Dart nearby, lamented his lack of pay or prospects, and please ’Pay me my money down’ – but succeeded in transmitting an almost simultaneous outbreak of infectious clapping  all around.

Helen Highwater, in the very establishment where Duke  Philip proposed to Princess, now Queen, Elizabeth, proved how feisty, independent, and powerful women can be, as she described elopement with Shallo Brown in  â€˜Hullabaloo Belay.’

Our noble leader Sam Minella, without any consultation with their eminences the Lords of the Admiralty, himself appointed a dashing young trainee officer as ADMIRAL OF THE FLEET – complete with a truly Nelsonic cocked hat and gold braid – ‘Pretty work brave boys, I’d rather be  an Admiral aboard a man o’war’ – and  demanded all ranks around salute him duly. And they did.

Tenth day of May, Year of Grace 2019

Maclaines Warehouse, Exeter Quay

Wind: SW f.2/3 veering NW.

Weather; crisp and clearing.

At the end of Britain's oldest ship canal (1563) in a derelict stone warehouse, the buoys were delighted to be asked to participate in the resurrection of an ancient quayside building into a new pop-up pub. The cobbled pavements, sweating stone walls, trestle tables, timber benches, and actual barrels with taps behind the bar, could have been any seaman's favorite dive back in 1830 when Maclaine built the said building, and perfect;y matched the period our lustiest shanties and most poignant ballads were first chanted, chortled, shouted - or in the case of the lovely Helen Highwater, actually sung in tune.

A packed audience for the weekend launch included master mariners, meteorologists, university lecturers, a psychiatric nurse (useful!) students and dogs - and each bought their own fair share of gusto to add to the buoys quotient - aided we suspect by the excellent products of Topsham Micro Craft Brewery bubbling away next door. And the decor - unchanged since 1830 - perfectly matched the more knackered looking of the shantymen.

Alfredo Heights, topsail hand, at home on the highest yard arm, must also sing those highest notes inaudible to ordinary mortals - clearly delighting the canine contingent, who joined in with gusto too.

Aware of the rumour BIlly Rowlocks might be one of the crew, the brewery had added a specially strengthened new floor - huge timbers atop granite cobbles. Even so Billy's sea-boots rattled the rafters, and roused the adjacent table likewise to pogo, stomp, and go.

Levi Shore achieved a first - getting an entire pub AND crew to CLAP simultaneously (statistically unlikely as winning the lottery.) The most enthusiastic patron, in full-bottomed wig, tricorn hat, armed with a naked cutlass, and a fetching pirate moll in pantaloons by his side, turned out to be the world's expert on cumulus clouds: a scientist from the Met Office carrying on Admiral Beaufort's noble endeavour to make seafaring safer, and forcasting preciser. Hereby a toast to all ye Weather-Men in Topsham's finest ale!

The ragged and ageing crew of the MALARKEY, who have felt for the last decade they've sailed alone on uncharted seas, now began to discover, astonishingly, paradisial islands where YOUNG men and women from the future took unashamed and unabashed delight in the raucous and randy, and sweet and sentimental ditties  that we and our fellow ancient mariners have preserved from centuries past. Shantying ( and its companion sisters, ale-quaffing and square-rig sailing) is suddenly popular - and the crew were hugged, kissed, and egged on by those living in a mysterious future of cybernetics, robotics, apps, and virtual reality - when the only webs we knew were spiders'; global communications meant, literally, sailing there tack by tack; the net was something you hauled, not surfed, and if lucky might find full of silver darlings; and reality ALWAYS real, and oft wet, windy, and on the nose. We wish TOPSHAM MICRO BREWERY MEGA-SUCESS in their endeavours (old ways sometimes really are the best) and a fine haul of happy imbibers, and we look forward to returning to the Tap-Room as soon as wind and tide permitting.

Twentysixth day of March, Year of  Our Lord 2019

St, Mary Magdalene Church, Stoke Canon

Weather: unseasonably warm.

Wind: f. 1-2 var.

The buoys are attracted to pubs like moths to lighted lanterns, pirates to plunder., and Yarmouth sailors to bits of string. Imagine their delight to be asked to rescue a besieged pub, whose building piratical owners were seeking a king’s ransom for. Desperate their beloved inn would be plundered, scuppered, and sold, heroic  villagers have rallied round to raise the ransom.

Ever gallant and patriotic, their hearts of oak stirred to the core by this act of gold lust and calummny, The Malarkey  urgently sailed to the rescue. They fired forbitters, shot salvoes of shanties, and let loose two broadsides of ballads, all for to win, hopefully, the necessary dubloons, ducats, pieces of eight and gild moidores to liberate the noble Stoke Canon Inn.

Holy ground Once more – the concert was in the local church, where the good priest of the port had opened her heart and church for us. We made the rafters roar, where the welcoming wooden interior had as wonderful an acoustic as a wooden ship’s fo’c’sl. Overcome by the unusual venue, Anchorman Wayne was moved to reverently remove his hat, before producing a fine forebitter that could as well be a holy hymn as a pub sing-around – Row on Row on. Some of our ballads were less devout – dodgy adventures with ladies of easy virtue ,like Maggie May, and losing hats, trousers, waistcoats, money, and something less mentionable to the same. But a profoundly penitent Bosun Quill, vowing to go to sea no more,  assured us he would ‘go sleeping with no whores, but get married instead, and spend all night in bed ...’ -  the Vicar could not have put it better.

Then well into the Night Watch, the buoys did their best to keep the Pub afloat by drowning countless pints, all in the course of duty. Thank you Stoke Canon, and may your endeavours be richly rewarded.

15th day of March. Year of our Lord 2019

Picture House Cinema, Port of Exeter

Weather:- Troubled and stormy

Wind:- West Norwest f. 5 to gale 8, occasionally 9.

THE BUOYS have been present at many launches of vessels small and large - but this is the first time they have been asked to assist at the launch of a CINEMATOGRAPHIC FILM - a newly invented species of magic lantern show where the figures actually MOVE and TALK - as jerkily as the Malarkey's crew after a night on the sauce. From the obscure recesses of little Cornish fishing  ports and the smoky snugs of West Country bars shantying has set sail, and conquered the folk world - and foremost among the crews to do so, the Fisherman's Friends from Port Isaac, who have done so much to share our salty heritage with foreigners (that's anybody not from Cornwall.)

On this occasion the Fisherman's Friends were 2 dimensional, on the silver screen, and ESM assuredly 3 dimensional, especially Cameron Nails (from any angle.)  Fortified by free PINTS & PIZZA (a foreign concoction apparently of hard tack and hard cheese - remote cousin of our own Welsh Rabbit - tho' you must never use that word afloat - bad luck!) We were warmly received by the crowded cinema cafe, and like to think we didn't let the side down, but showed the gusto, humour, passion, earthiness and sauciness of all good Shanties, as of course do the Fisherman's Friends. But we must admit, all credit to them, they not only sing great, but as actual seafarers sailors lifeboatmen and fishermen, have experienced the realities, and sometimes the tragedies, for real, which most of us just sing about. If you have a chance me hearties, heave-to near a cinema near you, clamber aboard, pay your ducat or doubloon, and enjoy a superb seafaring drama about much more than shanties. And we wish Fisherman's Friends good success -  with creels and pots and nets on the high seas, as well as on vinyl and celluloid.

The 21st day of February. Year of our Lord 2019

Krakow, Poland

Weather:- Chlodny chlód  i oczyszczac 

Wind:- f.0 - f.2  Zmienny / zachód 

Departure from the Port of Bristol much delayed. Swabbie Mal apprehended (again) with piratical knives accidentally concealed about his person; and Canon Fodder strip searched with a haversack load of steel screws. (Screwing of course forbidden to Chaplains whilst on duty) Both items useful aboard in case of emergency, but apparently unwelcome aboard our air-ship setting sail to Slavonic skies.

The buoys welcomed with open arms - literally! - and hugs and kisses. Unlikely as it seems our female fan base is here in Central Europe. In a basement restaurant where ale is served by the metre (for sailors = 0.561666 of a fathom) egged on by waitresses; in the underground Stary Port Tavern, centre for Polish sail training, and where a ship’s bow and bowsprit appears to have crashed through the ceiling, and we were billed to shanty till the wee small hours; and in the huge 1000 seater theatre, we sang our hearts out. A typical shanty concert here is 5 hours - and the Polish and international audience join in with gusto in every seafaring tongue, and applaud each crew with shrieks and whoops and whistles.

22nd to 24th daies of February, Year of Grace 2019.

Weather - unchanged

Exmouth expects every crew member to acquit themselves as expected!? - once on shore they did:-

Billy Rowlocks, our Krakow virgin, was not devoured by the fire-breathing Krakow dragon as tastier virgins had been in the past - his boots. buckles, buttons, beard (and booming bass voice) proving indigestible to the most ferocious monster - but he nearly suffered asphyxiation when a Stary Port lady demonstrated smother (rather than mother) love.

Levi Shore entranced a delightful and dishy Pirate moll in full fig - though whether it was his jokes, his Steve Knightly look-alike hair do, or sheer personality, none could tell.

Our Anchorman, having shipwrighted wonderfully watertight travel plans and set lists, single handedly saved the faltering Polish economy - quaffing prodigious quantities of ale, served here 6 glasses at a time - and appropriately curtain-called our final theatre set with Rolling Home. 

Our gunner Eamon Fyre, avoiding salvoes of deadly cherry brandy, acted out with impeccable swordsmanship (RADA meets Morris dancing) bloody ballads of sea battles to loud acclaim - and demonstrated thumbs like marlin spikes, and fingers like fids.

Bosun Curly Quill was followed from bar to bar by those desperate for second helpings of his Chicken on a Raft - where his agonisingly extended longest lowest loudest note beat local favourites ‘The Pirates’ by a gasp and a half. 

Bish happily squeezed his concertina, while the rest of the crew likewise experienced squeezes and hugs from the most wonderfully welcoming Polish shanty lovers. We eagerly await our next invite.

Sam Minella, our noble captain, was commended for bravery in baring his fine legs, calves, feet etc etc. in subzero temperatures in the open air concert in the Medieval Market Place, where our torn 18th Century cutty sarks and pantaloons and weskits stood out among a scarved and fur-hatted and anoracked crowd. And lo and behold, on the last day, he recieved on our behalf the Stan Hugill Trophy for ‘The Most Authentic Shanty Crew’ - a fine bronze anchor and  plaque.

25th day of February. Year of our Lord 2019

Weather: Polska i UK wykapal sie w Wesolosci

Mal, minus knife, was raptured by Leonardo’s ‘Lady with a Ferret’ (visiting locally) and added to Krakow’s buzzing artistic and international vibe by a roof-raising Rule Britannia in our final midnight set - where we enthusiastically waved Polish flags to show our European committement. Which only goes to prove that just as the Krakow Dragon was overcome not by brute force but by intelligence, so The Sea, Sailors, Ships, and Shanties do more to unite Europe and the World as one, that ever the follies of politics or boundaries do to divide.

24th day of November. Year of our Lord 2018

Harbourside Taverns & Alehouses of the above haven.

Weather:- Squally showers

Wind:- North Easterly, f.4/5

 England had just beaten Australia (37/18) so we floated into 'The Lifeboat Inn' on a wave of raucous goodwill - and proceeded to share shantys from The Caribbean, Labrador, Louisiana (ships' crews were always polyglot and multinational, and shantys too) as well as 'dear old England' - but Alfredoe finished with a heartfelt patriotic "Hearts of Oak". Imagine our surprise when by a miracle of the newly invented Magic Lantern, animated images of the Buoys appeared on the same screens where  moments before our heroically battling and magnificently muscled 15 had disported themselves. 

We enthusiastically downed and sank copious quantities of hot mulled cider (it was rough outside) and good Cornish ale (and sea-cook Sam duly lilted lyrically his homage to Betty Stoggs) - all this in order to help raise and lift up Cornwall's recently invented "Aire Ambulance"- a sort of levitating sky-lifeboat, that can swoop like a seagull and soar like an albatross, powered by what appear to be spinning windmill sails fore and aft. Apparently this "Heli - Kopter", as she's christened, is able to rescue and succour the distressed and injured in Cornwall's wildest and remotest coves and cliffs and hamlets and moors.

13th day of October. Year of our Lord 2018

Church of St. Mary & St. Gabriel

Weather:- Brief eye of Storm Callum

Wind:- Southwest f. 10 forecast / var. 3

The Malarkey's full crew disembarked in the ancient Church House Inn to warm up, next to  a mummified sacrificial cat built into the walls - a foundational pagan sacrifice? (we are now in deepest darkest Devon) or a dire warning as to what happens to those who yowl out of tune? Worrying. The nave of the ancient church itself, with its wooden walls and deck beams, and lit by oil lamps, was reassuringly similar to a ship's fo'c's'le.

Some of the more credulous members of the crew, more used to a heaving foredeck than a church, were anxious lest the Almighty might be offended by the more lusty and lecherous of their imaginings, or words not usually heard from the pulpit (tho' frequent in the denunciations of the Prophets) However no thunderbolts of Divine displeasure zapped the buoys, and in fact the wonderful acoustics of the old church enabled the crew to perform their best, with both trademark gusto, and exquisite and melodious harmonisations. Not quite 'angel voices ever singing' but the congregation, more used to chamber music and motets, responded politely and warmly.

And verily our Bosun Curly Quill finished the evening with what could count as an admirable sermon worthy of any clerical pulpit, exhorting " ... don't do sleeping with no W----s, get married instead, and spend all night in bed ...". The Archbishop of Canterbury could not have put it better. As we set sail on 'The Roseabella’ we were delighted to have been of assistance in raising  funds for charitable and good works for the more unfortunate, lonely, and destitute of those shipwrecked by the headwaters of the Dart at Totnes. Canon Fodder, ship's chaplain, earnestly hopes to see the crew embarking again on the (for them) unlikely vessels of piety and mercy and charity.

13th day of September. Year of our Lord 2018

Inshore Waters, South Devon

Weather:- breezy

Wind:- SW 3 gusting 5

Undiscouraged by distant hurricane warnings out in the Atlantic, or embarking on the thirteenth, the crew shipped aboard the good ship 'Pride of Exmouth' for the fabled Jurassic coast Cruise. The vessel was loaded with geologists, geomorphologists, paleontologists, fossil hunters, pre-historians - and us.

Undeterred by radio-active nodules, contorted strata, or the fact the biggest extinction of life on planet earth is precisely marked by Exmouth, the Buoys demonstrated on the return trip what the lecturers had discoursed of so eloquently outward bound - what old fossils, dinosaur DNA, and Neanderthal men (and grateful women) were capable of. As the 'Pride' rolled gently into the sunset, we proved that genuine sea shanties, like fossils, are almost indestructible, however hammered about, and still have the power to resurrect lives and struggles long past, and (thanks to ESM and all our fellow shanty crews) not quite extinct.

8th Day of September, Year of Grace 2018

Far Northeast of Herefordshire

Weather:- Constant Drizzle

Wind:- Variable 0-2

A pre-dawn raid to the interior. The Malarkey, skilfully piloted by Bosun Curly Quill and foredeck lookout Levi Shore, lurched northward. Despite our apprehensions of furrin parts, the natives received us kindly. Our first shantying was in the sweaty bar of the local Foote-balle Club. (Foote-balle - a barbaric northern sport played with inflated pigge's bladder or enemie's head.) Alien beers however - all nobly and personally tested by our ever-ready anchorman Ank - proved effective lubricants for Exmouth shanties and tonsils, as we aimed, and occasionally hit, high notes and harmonies.

We were then shanghaied and seduced into taking part in a strange local art form and initiation ritual - "Ye Olde Tyme Musik Hall". Skippered by a chairman with a large hammer (less terrifying than a mate with a belaying pin) and firing salvoes of dated blue(ish) jokes; and repartee where the audience gave as good as they got. The Buoys, joining in the raucous spirit of the occasion, discovered their earnest and solemn acting out of erotic and tragicall maritime catastrophes, were received as totally in keeping with the event.

After a final late night concert under canvas (as befits hardened sea-dogs) the Malarkey headed south with her snoring crew all asleep (bar the helmsman hopefully) to pick up her home mooring in the middle of a pitch-dark middle watch at about 3 bells.

2nd & 3rd daies of September, Year of our Lord 2018

Exmouth foreshore & assorted taverns

Weather:- warm & clear

Wind:- SW 2-3

Like two ships that meet in mid-ocean from opposite corners of the globe - the Lost Quays out of Fremantle, West Australia, and the Malarkey, crewed by Exmouth’s finest. Greeting each other like long-lost brothers and sisters (we quite probably shared delinquent ancestors) we shared an open-air concert on Exmouth’s new sea-front pyramid stage, followed by two rollicking nights in the Bicton and in the Beach, joined by shipwrecked sailors and sea-song lovers from other furrin parts who turned up to greet our salty antipodean friends.

It wasn't meant to be a competition, but like the Rugby and the Ashes, each crew gave of their best. Honours were even.

    Lost Quays - won on excellence of beards.

    Each crew had precisely ONE genuine, qualified deep-sea Captain & navigator: a fine Australian Scot beside our own Albert Truss (now reduced to oarsman) Most of our qualifications, like those provided by the notorious Paddy West, are more fake than factual.

    The Women - our ‘Ladies who Launch’ excelled themselves in a wonderful welcome banquet for the expected rugged, handsome, beach-bodied, tanned Australians - and the rest of us.Their redoubtable women-folk - the She-Shanties - responded with a feisty ballad about precisely what (or who) they twiddle with while their men are away at sea.

    Singing with gusto - honours even. Each crew raised the rafters, but the Lost Quays specialised not just in toe-tapping chantying, but in unique “body-percussion”. (We've  humped our sea chests round the points of the compass, but never dreamed of using our own as drums.) Honours to the Lost Quays, climaxed by their performance of Esiquibo River where every man jack sang and played a different percussion instrument in every verse. ESM are mostly incapable of multi-tasking, leaving that to wives and sweethearts.

But truly delightful for both sides to hear how the same chanties we share have diverged and developed creatively 13337 nautical miles apart. And finally, to close what had been a  wonderful weekend, a stirring double-headed rendition of (of course) South Australia,  alternate verses led by an Ozzie and English shantyman, both equally magnificently bellied, bearded, and bass-voiced.

We’re angling for an (all expenses) invitation back to Freeo!

10th day of August. Year of our Lord 2018

The Manor Pavilion Theatre,

Weather:- Intermeittent Showers

Wind:- SW f 4

TALL SHIPS & TAVERNS. Some of the Malarkey’s crew had spent the entire week carousing and chortling in the ale-houses, streets, and canvas pavilions of the normally genteel waterfront of Sidmouth - all of it vital research and rehearsal for the crew’s headline billing (or at least the final event of the last night of the festival before the flaming torchlight procession) where the buoys had prepared a two part Extravaganza of shanties and forebitters. A packed house responded enthusiastically, as first the crew shipped them across the briny, with outward bound capstan shanties; sail-setting heave and haul shouts and grunts; lecherous shipboard imaginings of sailors far out at sea; and catastrophic tales of death, disaster and amputation (Mr Dai Wright, ship’s surgeon, specialises in such blood curdling ballads)  and then homeward bound shanties, never sung till indeed our ship was.

Part Two saw the buoys ensconced in a dockside tavern, where the sailors' sweetheart, Miss Helen Highwater proved her pub was the nearest most Jack Tars would ever get to heaven, as she dispensed beer and grog to home-at-last-sailors blowing their pay in a night of revelry.  As a woman she of course could multi-task ... simultaneously dispensing pints, keeping order, singing, and proving Lympstone girls could dance the polka as well as any transatlantic sailor's moll. And even sea-sodden shanty men managed to at least drink, jest, and sing at the same time. A good time was had by all, except new hand Billy Rowlocks, who convinced his beer was off,  began blasphemously invoking the Almighty to send a razor-winged dove to cut the throats of those what sold bad beer, and he at at least determined to head off seawards again insanter.

The Almighty didn't respond - but the other invisible powers who made the whole night possible were superb. The super-helpful lighting and sound crew; and all those who laboured mightily to make Sidmouth an unforgettable and rapturous week not only for Shantymen, but every conceivable kind of Singer, Musician, Story-teller, and Dancer, The Malarkey’s log hereby notes our grateful thanks.

14th day of July. Year of our Lord 2018

Lat: 51° 23'19" North. Long: -3° 83' 06" West

Weather:- fine & bright.

Wind:- Southwest f. 3

IN A SPIN IN LYNMOUTH. The finest setting for a regatta: the tiny harbour, the towering cliffs, the white-capped Bristol Channel, and there waiting for us, the finest collection of real deep-sea square rig gear, torpedos, old rope - and including a magnificent capstan. The buoys abandoned the stage to seize the bars (capstan-bars - they'd already located the other sort) and began full-throated to Stamp and Go! and holler capstan chanties as they were meant to be.

Their more feeble efforts to dance the Polka (lusty New York gals presumably excel at it) were completely upstaged by the couple who spun and danced magnificently to Mal's sorry tale of his seduction and narrow escape - "you're safer round Cape Horn."

Still spinning, Bosun Curly Quill navigated a spiral course home through never-before-seen backwaters. Thank you Lynmouth: and we hope we helped the Sailing Club and the Devon Air Ambulance stay afloat and airborne too.

5th to the 8th day of July. Year of our Lord 2018

Travemünde, North Germany

Wetter:- glühend hell und klar 

Wind;- Variable 3 immer Nordosten 5 oder 6 

 Leaving The Malarkey behind, the crew were appalled to discover their scheduled craft had been grounded, sunk, or abandoned. Thence followed a manic chase to find an alternative vessel. Not since Lieutenant Lapenotiere of HMS Pickle raced from Falmouth to the Admiralty with news of Trafalgar have Jack Tars been post-chaised and taxied across the breadth of Britain at such speed; and finally, sleepless and red-eyed, took passage from the Port of Heathrow to arrive in Travemünde minutes before their first set.

YOU HAVE DIRTY VOICES! Said an Opera Singer and Professional Conductor (approvingly) Surrounded by impeccably rehearsed and uniformed German "Shanty-Choirs" each at least 50 strong, and accompanied by squeeze-box orchestras, the Malarkey's little crew of 8 stood out like sore thumbs (every thumb was a marlin spike, and every finger a fid!? Perhaps because of that, we, scruffy, small, anarchic, with our a-cappella dirty voices, were most wonderfully welcomed as an unusual and exotic species from a strange and alien land, and were plied with tokens of affection ... fresh fish sandwiches, copious strong beer, bottles of schnapps. So much so that 2 of our company, loaded far below their normal Plimsoll lines, had to abandon ship to jettison part of their cargo early. There is a corner of a Lubeck churchyard that will be forever England.

A final historic encounter: we were honoured to add 8 voices to a successful Guinness Book world record attempt for The Greatest Number of Shanty Singers Singing the Same Shanty ever assembled. The event graced and validated by The Burgermeister (not a fast-food operative - The Mayor) and the Prime Minister. Take note Mrs May! A notable MaritimeAchievement in the annals of European History - and the whole company 1500 strong went Rolling Home together in several different rhythms and keys, variously to Dear Old Hamburg, or Dear Old England,

The Baltic delights of Travemünde: to sing in the lee of the mighty Four masted barque Passat, last of the  Flying P Line; and quietly gliding by only yards away, today's container ships and ferries, which we also celebrated  in " Rolling Up, Rolling Down, 24 hours to turn around." Surrounded by so many squeeze boxes, our ship's carpenter Cameron Nails found his own squeeze ( a wife in every port?) and we now dedicate the Shanty "One more Pull" to him.  

With 5 different stages to perform on, our slightly knackered crew varied in alertness, but our hosts, the younger of whom learned their English from Monty Python and  James Bond movies, were convinced our mistakes, amnesia, trips, stumbles, and balls-ups were actually carefully rehearsed routines, and applauded accordingly.

UNSERE WARMEN UND DANKBAR DANKE to all the organisers of Europe's largest Shanty Festival, for a memorable stay, and especially the local group Lubecker Shantychör Mowenschiet (Seagull Shit) for late night singing and drinking and hospitality. Whatever our politicians are up to, we delighted in and celebrated our European unity.

Ye 22nd ye 24th day of June. Year of our Lord 2018

 FALMOUTH FOR ORDERS. The ancient cutter 'The Cause, crewed by Sam Minella, proving as ship's cook he could function at 45 degrees bouncing up and down in a fog, and simultaneously shanty and create evolving euro-special 3 day soups of legumes and viandes of unrecognisable origin, arrived in Falmouth after a week of head winds, followed shortly after by the good ship Malarkey bearing the rest of the crew.  (Sam, and wife Liz Teria do succeeded in redefining the word HEAVE the buoys sing so lustily) .

Falmouth appeared full of Old Gaffers - bearded shantymen of uncertain age clutching tankards; and old gaffers, traditional smacks and trawlers and aged yachts with 4 sided tanned sails.

ALL HANDS ON DECK. Hauled onstage by our Breton friends, Les Brouillers d'Ecoute, and sweatily hugged by our heroine Betty Stogs, whose likeness many of us bear emblazoned on our bosoms or backs, for an opening night extravaganza on the Sea Salt Stage. Betty's target, like her biceps and bust is ever bigger year on year, and this year she remarkably raised OVER £10.000 for Falmouth Lifeboats - but still got hurled into the harbour, where the water rose appreciably. Cornish damozels are tough, and we were delighted to play our part in supporting her efforts to support the local heroes who put to sea in every weather to rescue the sinking and drowning and lost. Surprisingly large numbers paused to listen and join in hauling on hawsers or stomping around imaginary capstans in our street performance outside Roly's Fudge Shop, where a delicious damzel pressed fudge upon us, to catalyse the volatile concoctions of  Stogs ale and Cornish pasty already swilling in our bilges. But it was in the Chain Locker, the first port of call for victorious round the world solo sailor Robin Knox Johnston, the singing really took off - like the venturesome sailors who had left Falmouth only a week earlier to repeat the solo circumnavigation, with only the equipment that 19th century shantymen would have known - rope and canvas, sextant and compass.

Our youngest half-pint crew member followed us faithfully from gig to gig, desperate to hear "Chicken on a raft' performed as only our Bosun can - complete with his feigned asphyxiation and collapse and resurrection. (All to commemorate dodgy naval egg on toast) which finally featured in our last gig at 5 Degrees West, where hoarse but happy, we vowed it had been another brilliant Falmouth Shanty festival.

And to crown the day, the gaff cutter The Cause, crewed by Exmouth's finest pressed men, sailing Carrick Rroads, was awarded the prize for the "best presented crew" in the Classics Festival - looking suitably dated and ragged, but bursting into lusty huzzahs and 'Fire Marengo' at the crucial moment in front to the assembled judges, dignitaries, mayors , sheriffs, & high-ranking naval officers of the county aboard their v.i.p. launch. 'Twas your shanty did the trick, we were told.

9th day of September. Year of our Lord 2017

Starcross Yacht Club

The more navigationally challenged of the Malarkey’s crew mustered at Mr. Brunel’s recently completed Atmospheric Railway pumping house, rather than the designated shoreside establishment of Britain’s oldest yacht club. Finally reunited, the buoys were pleased to find the doughty Corinthian sailors of the Starcross Yacht Club, reading the abounding ominous weather omens, had erected a canvas Pavilion for the planned festivities.

In a club dating from 1772, the buoys repertoire of 18th century ballads and shanties, and unkempt and historic attire, seemed entirely appropriate. Disdaining the proffered sound check, the crew, rampant as discharged seamen anywhere, rollicked into the bar and tent, clambered onto their oaken sea-chests, and gave vent to a rip-roaring set of nautical songs. Yellow-oilskinned Starcross sailors landed their dinghies alongside, and well-cloaked Starcross damsels crowded into the marquee to join in.

Swabbie Mal Demaer gave a passionate, powerful, and poignant performance of Mr. Thos. Arne’s newly composed patriotic anthem, Rule Britannia, and the entire loyal company joined in lustily. The rain hammered down, drumming on the canvas, and the wind provided a howling descant. (Apparently 174 nautical miles to the East, in another minor festival and at the same exact hour, the very same song was sung - but we do not doubt for a moment our rendition transcended theirs in sincerity, melodiousness, and enthusiasm.)

Over the lewd words and suggestive sentiments of some of the other shanties the less inhibited crew gave voice to, modesty suggests and propriety insists this chronicle draws a discreet veil.

10th day of June, Year of Our Lord 2017

Wimborne

Weather:- Fog patches

Wind:- SW 2

The Malarkey hove to abeam of the ancient Minster, where lie the mortal remains of Ethelred the Unready, Feeling a bit like the unfortunate monarch, and fluffing several openings, nevertheless the buoys were warmly welcomed and encouraged by enthusiastic shanty lovers. The crew proved infectious ( not with the usual unmentionable ailments they sing about lustily) in a Shanty Workshop, inasmuch as they inspired others to stand up and sing too.

 At the final evening concert the crew were honoured and humbled to meet singer Jim Radford, youngest cabin boy in the Normandy Landings, whose experiences and songs truly demonstrate the wars, dangers, shipwrecks many of our shanties record - and who has committed a life time of seafaring and singing to the cause of peace.

Cheered to the rafters, we set sail for home, a winding course through thickening fog, as rival navigators challenged each other’s fixes and dead reckoning. Not quite a Great Circle course, or the Rhumb line planned - more like ever decreasing circles back to the darkening Minster!?

31st day of March, Year of Our Lord 2017

Exmouth

Weather:- Cloudy

Wind:- SW 3

Undeterred by the ubiquitous presence of railway locos & steam engines on every wall, the Malarkey’s crew hauled everyone back to the previous technologies of the Great Days of Sail; & impressed railwaymen (& women) into heaving on hawsers &  stomping round capstans.

The evening was intended as a melodic & harmonious fund-raiser & farewell for one of the crew, ship’s carpenter Cameron Nails, who was about to be transported to the far Bermoothes Isles; where he single-handedly would attempt to keep the honour of Exmouth afloat in a bizarre international contest where the prize went neither to the brave nor the swift, but to he who could cry the loudest & longest. Oyez!

24th day of September. Year of Our Lord 2016

Exmouth

Weather:- Mild but windy

Wind:- SW 6

The crew approached this festival with some trepidation, the word muscle striking fear in their hearts, speaking as it does of hard work. We were however much relieved to discover the mussels in question were of the edible kind, were free to those quick enough to purloin them, and could be washed down with copious amounts of locally-brewed ale. Thus suitably refreshed we sang heartily to the amassed crowds, who bravely faced near gale force winds to receive both oral and aural delights simultaneously.

10th day of September. Year of Our Lord 2016

Lyme Regis

Weather:- Fine and calm

Wind:- S 1

A second voyage eastwards for the Malarkey in the space of six days finds the crew at large in the fair town of Lyme. Having chanced upon a crowd gathered on the seafront, we regaled them with songs and stories of the sea not once, but twice in the same afternoon. Thus completing our welcome obligations to the Lyme Folk Weekend, we headed west in glorious evening sunshine and returned to the fond embrace of our homeport of Exmouth.

4th day of September. Year of Our Lord 2016

Weymouth

Weather:-

Wind:- SW 4to5

A welcome return to the sea as the Malarkey made an easterly journery to Weymouth along the famous Jurassic Coast. Once moored the crew searched out the nearest inn and were greatly impressed by the serving at said establishment of our favourite ale - Betty Stoggs. Suitably refreshed we entertained ourselves and, we trust, the assessmbled throng on Weymouth quayside with our musical shenanigans and tales of nautical times gone by.

19th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2016

Trusham

Weather:- Light rain

Wind:- WNW 4

Enticed by the promise of free beer, the crew of the Malarkey made a short overland journey to the Cridford Inn, reputed to be the oldest in the country that has been in continuous use as a tavern. In lieu of payment for said refreshments, much singing was undertook by both the crew and assorted assembled patrons, making for a most enjoyable evening sojurn for all.

30th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Exeter

Weather:- Fair

Wind:- N

A second voyage up the Exe estuary in only five days sees the Malarkey docking at Exeter Quay, so allowing the buoys to serenade the busy denizens of that fair city in celebration of five years' trading by the famous emporium that is Sea Salt.

21st day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Douarnenez

Weather:- Broken cloud

Wind:- SW 2

On the early watch the Malarkey quietly slipped her mooring, set her fore sheets and hauled away down the channel of the Pouldavid whence she set course for Exmouth. With almost five full sailing days before she needs to be safely back in her home port, it should be a pleasantly relaxed voyage.

This entry is also the last by this recordist as he passes on his duties to another after some years and several hundred entries. He wishes readers well and hopes that future entries will be able to set down the details of continuing success for the Malarkey and all who sail in her. 

20th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Douarnenez

Weather:- Mercifully cooler 

Wind:- WSW 3

With welcome cloud cover and the bulk of the day offered as well-earned shore leave before their one obligation; moved from its original timing to early evening; the crew once having agreed when to assemble later, were free to avail themselves of whatever local delights they were able to locate.

The one public outing they were contracted to honour having been fulfilled, to the apparent satisfaction of those who bore witness, the buoys combined a little sustenance with rather more liquid refreshment over the course of their remaining daylight hours in France before setting sail in the morning. A most sociable and satisfactory end, for those who partook, to a very worthwhile visit.

18th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Brest

Weather:- Blistering 

Wind:- W 3

Unbelievably hot even by the time the buoys clambered from their bunks, some decided to obtain steerage on the first available vessel and return to England. Those with more stamina remained in port and, apart from one dockside venue which required their presence in the early evening, were given free time in which to get the Malrkey shipshape for her voyage south on the morrow. This was achieved largely by them sitting all day in a shady tavern.

With the attending gentlefolk being offered the chance to be gently hosed down by the fire service to avoid undue heat induced illness, and with their final performance duly delivered, the remaining lads once again repaired to a dockside inn for refreshments of both the solid and liquid kind. In the morning they sail south.

17th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Brest

Weather:- Even hotter

Wind:- NW 2 veering SW and strengthening 

Warm from very first thing, the heat and lack of breeze presented some difficulties for a crew more used to English conditions and who had to walk considerable distances around the docksides from one proscribed venue to another. Obviously thus affected, the Leadsman forgot where the Yankee packet was sailing to and the gunner's aim temporarily proved unreliable enough to worry even those experienced in his ham fistedness.

Eamon recovered his composure and clear sight after a break in work while Abner, his brain boiling in the ever increasing heat, was perked up no end by the Spanish lady who danced on to the stage for his later rendition of the similarly named song. A mercifully brisk wind finally began to moderate the temperature in the evening.

16th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Brest

Weather:- Sunny & Hot

Wind:- W 2

None of the buoys quite knows what time their cook found his bunk last night, or quite how much whisky was downed before the early hours' singing with 'Nordet'. None will ask. Yet he was remarkably spry at the breakfast table. The morning passed without incident, much to the surprise of viewers, listeners and those directly involved.

In spite of some confusion and communication difficulties, they fulfilled their postprandial commitments before repairing to the facility offered for such visiting crews to obtain the necessary liquid refreshment to assuage the day's increasing heat. This was collectively felt to be most welcome. At various later times, lodgings were relocated for the night.

15th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Brest

Weather:- Fine

Wind:- WNW 3

Following a disturbed night for some, the crew made their way back to the waterside in time to take a smack across the harbour to Scéne Guignette, where they did their very best to teach the assembled audience some choice English words and phrases. Most snatched a rushed visit to the 'artiste's' dining shed before heading straight back out for their two other scheduled performances of the day.

The afternoon went well except for the moment when the Bosun attempted to move one of the chests, when he managed to spill both it and all atop. The buoys were then given well earned shore leave for the rest of the day.

14th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Exmouth to Brest

Weather:- Warm

Wind:- NW 5-6

On a fine but very blustery day, the voyage across the Channel to Brest was rapid and straightforward, even for the motley crew that sail the Malarkey, and once they had located their lodgings away from the water and allocated bunks, they headed back into the environs of the metropolis to find ale and sustenance; the latter of which proved somewhat difficult.

There were extraordinary late night rocket-fired illuminations in a spectacular display around the port in remembrance of Bastille Day, which is a significant date in La Belle France, not that any of the lads stayed alert enough to see them. Should they manage to rise in time, the true purpose of their being in Brittany will commence on the morrow.

9th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2016

Templeton

Weather:- Warm

Wind:- SSW 4

After the overland journey up-country to the bucolic idyll that life between the Moors represents, the buoys off-loaded their gear on a farm's sloping field where, after sampling the fine ale on offer from the handily placed keg, they tried their hardest to add to the good spirits of the event underway, even adding to their number for one song the best looking additional crew members seen for some time.

While they have attended nuptial celebrations before, it was the first time they had experienced the bride offering to sing, with some of her friends, a shanty that she had composed herself. Most excellent it was and, with their usual willingness and gusto, the lads joined in the choruses and will no doubt steal the song in due course to add to their own repertoire. 

They left before being tempted to 'borrow' anything else or getting into too much trouble with the boyfriends and husbands of their temporary crew.

19th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2016

Falmouth

Weather:- Gentle drizzle

Wind:- Calm

The buoys were given a relatively relaxed programme for the day, which matched perfectly the equally gentle Cornish mist that had arrived to envelop Falmouth.

First visiting The Grapes, they staged a performance that quite astonished several of the ladies in the audience. After a brief pause, this was followed by a visit to the very much more refined, and therefore utterly alien, ambience of The Falmouth Hotel where they provided one to almost enliven the attending gentlefolk.

Later, while some remained ashore for the Festival's finale, the remainder sailed the Malarkey safely, albeit exceeding slowly back to home port.

18th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2016

Falmouth

Weather:- Better than of late

Wind:- SSW 4

A pleasant sail westwards down the Channel saw Malarkey tied up alongside in the inner harbour at Falmouth in easy time for the crew to scramble ashore and into Events Square, where they put on what they were told was a most splendid performance for the large audience gathered in the sunshine before strolling across the road to Five Degrees West for their next.

Thereafter, they took an overland route to the majestic and picturesque clifftop at Porthleven in order that Jessica's wedding to David should be celebrated in truly bawdy and boisterous fashion as befits such a lovely Cornish couple. Thence via a further ale or two to their boarding house for brief respite in preparation for the demands of the morrow.

11th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2016

Lympstone

Weather:- Improving

Wind:- SW 3

On what was otherwise to be a well-earned day of rest, a handful of the crew were dispatched to Candy's Field in North Exmouth to add their inestimable presence and vitality to the village's planned celebrations which were laid on in honour of their Sovereign's 90th Official Birthday.

Although the Monarch failed to appear in person, apparently detained by some minor function on The Mall in London, a most splendidly patriotic time was had by all once the sun decided to cooperate in proper Devon style and add warmth and brightness to what was in any case a beautifully colourful party.

"God save our gracious Queen" long may she live and reign.

5th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2016

Exmouth

Weather:- Splendid

Wind:- SSE  3

The morning after the night before saw the buoys encouraging each other to draw out the last reserves of their remaining energy and vocal chords after an exhausting ten days, for them partly spent on the Continent and for others, occupied almost exclusively at the three successive venues of the Exmouth Festival.

Being real troopers, they did this in as much of their usual ebullient style and with as much gusto as their spent bodies and voices could muster for the throng forgathered in The Strand to bask in the almost-as-good-as-the-day-before sunshine and enjoy the variety of acts that ware paraded in front of them. With additional events in nearby hostelries again and many other attractions to boot, there was little excuse for anyone who witnessed the spectacle not to be thoroughly entertained and surely it was but a few who could possibly have left the 2 day extravaganza unsatiated in aural gratification, not to mention in sustenance and refreshment. Altogether it was a very fine weekend.

4th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2016

Exmouth

Weather:- Hot

Wind:- SE 2 to 3

'West Country Traditions' is itself now becoming a tradition within the Exmouth Festival and once more the lads found themselves alongside dancers and singers, steamers, all and sundry & other crews from as far afield as Bristol. 

With the event being extended this year for the first time to fill two whole days, all the aforementioned had loins girded for the necessary efforts that were going to be required and, in these, they did not disappoint in the opinion of at least a representative sample of the large crowds who filled the town's plaza for this sun-warmed day. With more to come on the morrow, some even prolonged the singing into the late evening in a nearby local hostelry.

2nd day of June. Year of Our Lord 2016

River Exe

Weather:- Sunny, warm and calm

Wind:- SSW 2

After a couple of days ashore following their recent foreign exertions, the buoys went aboard "Pride of Exmouth" with about a hundred other souls for a cruise up the estuary on what turned out to be the most perfect evening of bright sunshine and clear skies. And a fine time was had by all who made the trip.

This Log however is but one place in which praises should be sung to Stuart Line Cruises, who generously supported this trip as they have done for many years past as their invaluable contribution to the Exmouth Festival. It is calculated by those who know such things that the annual Festival shanty cruise has now raised somewhere in excess of eight thousand guineas over its time and for this, both the crew and the Festival organisers offer their profound gratitude. Three cheers for Stuart Line. Hip hip ....

29th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

Still at anchor

Weather:- Fine until thundery late showers

Wind:- NW 5

The final day of activity for the buoys around the harbour was fine in all respects until they had finished and during it they performed on Hydrograaf once more before closing their vocal account on the main stage in the square of Peter & Paul.

The period of the late afternoon saw the assembling and stowing of gear ready for their departure from foreign shores in the early morning tomorrow; a task they had decided was best achieved before the night in the town's taverns that had been planned in celebration of a successful sojourn in northern Belgium. There may well be some sore heads on the morrow.

28th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

voor Anker

Weather:- Misty & Overcast

Wind:- NNW 5

The weather has deteriorated slightly on a daily since the Malarkey first moored in Oostende but remained dry at least which, with almost all of the crew's work being outside, they are very grateful for.

After a morning spent entirely on Hydrograaf, gamely singing across repeated attempts to throw them off couse by various means, and even at one point by the arrival of what appeared to be a firing squad, the buoys re-visited Avenue Terasse Vindictive for a short while before lurching unsteadily back to Hydrograaf to complete their day's engagements.

The evening will forever remain a mystery; certainly to those who didn't witness it, and quite probably also for those who did!

27th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

Oostende

Weather:- Muggy

Wind:- NW 5

The day was long with another most demanding programme which led to some tired voices and weary muscles by day's end, working as the lads were in very warm and close conditions, even if the weather is disregarded.

However despite those climatic perversities and periodic interruptions & aural interference from Scottish windbags and other supposedly musical assemblages across the harbour, they are understood to have acquitted themselves honourably and to warm appreciation from several who sought them out subsequently to generously praise their efforts. If there is a storm later it wouldn't be a complete surprise.

26th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

Oostende

Weather:- Marvellous 

Wind:- WNW 3

The day dawned rather brighter and earlier than some of the crew who were taking it easy after the long sail yesterday. Indeed, the Festival organiser was heard to mention something about too much beer; a phrase unfamiliar to those present.

The day was taken at a generally steady pace while the buoys also managed to put on two thoroughly entertaining shows for the town's burghers, first at Terasse Avenue Vindictive and, later, at Place St Pierre et Paul where they were joined on stage for an encore by members of two other crews. The evening saw them once more temporarily installed in 't Waterhuis where, at least for the time being, they appear to be extremely welcome.

25th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

Oostende

Weather:- Fine & dry

Wind:- WSW 3

The first long voyage of the season took the Malarkey along the southern coast before setting a southerly course across the Channel to Dunkerque, whence overland to Oostende where the crew arrived in late evening at the Kapotan Borchardt which will be their berth for their time in Belgium.

The journey proved uneventful, if lengthy, and aside from some minor confusions at Dover, Eamon believing that he was headed for Calais and the Bos'n throwing part of his lunch down his best dress smock, all was well. Their work begins on the morrow.

7th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

Poole

Weather:- Very good

Wind:- WSW 3 - 4

The spectacular harbour in which Poole lies has to be one of the world's most beautiful and, once tied up alongside the many other local craft, the buoys entered the hallowed portals of what can only be described as their unnatural habitat. They had been invited to the yacht club for the diversion of Kate and her many friends on the occasion of her particular birthday.

Once fed and watered in grand style, much singing took its place within the evening's planned shenanigans, with many joining in word and action as the songs became more raucous and the revellers more lubricated & relaxed. Indeed, some of the ladies seemed quite pleased to be given the opportunity to help with the hauling and hoisting usually reserved for their menfolk. It is probably fair to say that for some, the evening will last long in the memory.

2nd day of May. Year of Our Lord 2016

Brixham

Weather:- Cool & drizzly

Wind:- SW 4

The Malarkey's first voyage since the depths of winter saw the crew sail down the coast to Brixham, where pirates and other such nautical reprobates were gathered in taverns and diverse places around this famous and historical fishing harbour. 

On two occasions during the period of the fore- and afternoon watch, the buoys brightened the audio landscape by bursting forth in song for all and sundry but especially those three brave souls who had ventured far from their native, landlocked, Chipping Sodbury to see and hear the lads in full flow. Grateful for their steadfastness in the face of increasing rain and wind for the later entertainment, and of those other few who stuck it out, the crew gave of their best in the challenging conditions before re-boarding their ship and setting course for home on a strengthening wind under brightening skies.

20th day of February. Year of Our Lord 2016

Sidmouth

Weather:- Better than forecast

Wind:- WNW 3

The light winds made for a gentle sail eastwards in the late afternoon which took the Malarkey to Sidmouth, whereupon the buoys lugged their gear up to the Manor Pavilion Theatre and set themselves up alongside the Town Band for an evening's musical extravaganza to raise funds, through the Sidmouth Lions, for 'Headway Devon'.

This excellent charity supports those who have had the misfortune of a head injury from such accidents as falling from the rigging or being hit by a passing horse and cart, and it is understood that the proceeds from the shared concert were substantial and much appreciated. There were certainly expressions of enjoyment from some who had witnessed the shanty-fuelled raucousness twinned with the somewhat more elegant notes of the Band.

2nd day of February. Year of Our Lord 2016

Exmouth

Weather:- Cooling fast

Wind:- NW 4

Individual members of the crew have shown their personal support of the Bicton Inn on very many occasions by attempting to maintain a rapid flow of ale through the taps so, when asked to help landlady Alison celebrate her 25 years behind the bar, there was little chance that they would not give their full cooperation.

As the Inn gradually filled during the evening, the buoys similarly became more fulsome in their singing and the valiant attempt, at least by some, to empty as many barrels as possible from the host assembled for the anniversary week. Raucous, occasionally harmonious, pitch almost-perfect and with words in all sorts of orders, they gave voice to many of their best known songs, ensuring that Alison at least will be quite unable to forget what she witnessed.

26th day of January. Year of Our Lord 2016

Turnchapel

Weather:- Driving rain

Wind:- SW 6 - 7

Sent out on this filthy night by Skinners Brewery to the river Plym to extoll the virtues of drinking Betty Stogs ale, the Malarkey tied up in a small creek to land the crew at Turnchapel where they immediately fell into the Clovelly Bay Inn to be warmly greeted by Rod, Dino and all within. Shortly thereafter, copious quantities of the most wonderful food was offered to help mollify the effects of the ale and as a bribe to the buoys to sing for it afterward.

They did so in two parts, separated by some proper harmonies from the delightful 'Scarlet Harlots' in all their finery, which doubtless thrilled the local imbibers at least visually far more than would the previous and subsequent performances. All in all however, those who ventured down the hill were given a thoroughly entertaining evening.

20th day of December. Year of Our Lord 2015

Dockside, Exmouth

Weather:- Mild & Damp

Wind:- SW 4

Rather than being frosty or covered in snow as is everyone's dream for this time of year, Exmouth's harbourside was damp and unfathomably mild as the large crowd gathered outside in the early evening to sing Christmas Carols and be further entertained by musicians & various community ensembles, all freely offered in aid of a suitable organisation which gives charity to those less fortunate.

Thereafter, many repaired to one of the two adjacent taverns for a glass of warming ale and the company of like-minded seasonal celebrants. 

As this was the last commitment of this year for the Malarkey's buoys before they departed for a brief but well-earned period of shore leave, they would like to take this time and place to give their Festive Greetings to all who read this ship's log. May you each be merry and bright as you head into the next twelve-month.

15th day of December. Year of Our Lord 2015

Bay Horse Inn, Totnes

Weather:- Wet

Wind:- WSW 5 

On a rather unpleasant & grizzly evening, the mainly younger carousers of Totnes were abroad to enter into the spirit of Christmas by spending their hard-won coinage on fripperies for loved ones and later, in the Inn at the top of town, where they were diverted by the sound of sea shanties brought ashore.

The lads supplied songs to warm the dampest and most exhausted of hearts and had quite a number of the ale-suppers joining in with words of a reasonably similar nature to those being sung or clapping and banging the tables, sometimes in time.

Appreciation must be extended particularly to Kathy for looking after the crew so well and, of course, to those very special folk at Skinners Brewery in whose honour the evening took place and who so generously provided the buoys with Betty Stogs ale aplenty throughout the evening.

12th day of December. Year of Our Lord 2015

Stonehouse Barracks, Plymouth

Weather:- Mainly dry

Wind:- SW 6 occ. 7

Fighting a strong headwind, the buoys sailed down to Plymouth to the 300-year old base of HM Royal Marines at Stonehouse where the Officers and their ladies were holding a seasonal celebration for which they had requested some authentic entertainment.

Having been present at several such military occasions before, the lads put their experience to good use, knowing how & when to change the tenor of their offered repertoire and how best to encourage audience participation, which they did in some style at the close of this fine dinner.

They did, however, learn one invaluable lesson: if you want a sheet hauled, ask a sailor but don't ask a Marine. Apparently Her Majesty's RM officers really have no idea what to do when presented with a rope! That aside, all the diners seemed to be partying in style and were generally in fine voice, joining the choruses when suitably encouraged before willingly & loudly showing their appreciation.

22nd day of November. Year of Our Lord 2015

The harbour, Exmouth

Weather:- Cold & clear

Wind:- SW 3

There is a crew of sailors in Exmouth who man the lifeboat and risk their lives to help those at sea who run into trouble and, when asked to support them, the Malarkey's buoys like to do so if they can. As this could never take the form of practical assistance on the water, they feel that the best way to give their help is by aiding such fundraising projects as are suggested.

This night, the lads gave their time to the cause by agreeing to provide jollity and song to amuse those who had gone to the harbourside eatery known as the Pier Bar & Grill to donate their hard-earned guineas also in aid of such a worthy enterprise. Fine food and wines were enjoyed by the diners; fine chorality was enjoyed by the shanty men.

14th day of November. Year of Our Lord 2015

Seasalt shop, Dartmouth

Weather:- Extremely miserable

Wind:- SW 5

A after a battle against the strong wind, the Malarkey finally moored in the harbour at Dartmouth whereupon, after briefly stopping for a warming beverage, the crew arrived at Seasalt's newly opened emporium. As requested, they valiantly entertained all those souls brave enough to ignore the elements and venture out into the late Autumn rain to experience what delights the shop had for them.

In between bouts of singing, the buoys were royally looked after by the staff of The Wheelhouse, who kept them well sustained with tea, coffee and welcome lunchtime fare, which was much appreciated on a very wet and chilly day. It has been several years now that the lads have had the pleasure of working with Seasalt; a company which follows good ethical guidelines and with which they are comfortable in associating. They very much hope that they will continue to do so in the future and Abner, for one, felt greatly enriched by his day's experience.

6th day of November. Year of Our Lord 2015

The Pavilion, Exmouth

Weather:- Overcast but dry

Wind:- SW 2

Engaged only at the eleventh hour to bolster the ranks of performers at this year's Royal British Legion's Remembrance evening, the Malarkey's lads (apart from Mal Demaer who apparently got lost on the way) duly mustered at the appointed hour just half a nautical mile East of their harbour mooring to open the proceedings in their usual, indomitable style.

A short while of an Autumn evening spent honouring those who have fallen in the many battles of so many wars. 

30th day of October. Year of Our Lord 2015

Kennaway House, Sidmouth

Weather:- Mild, with occasional light rain

Wind:- S 4

For the second time in as many weeks, the buoys found themselves in prestigious surroundings; this time a fine Regency mansion, in whose grand ground floor rooms the most excellent paintings of local artist Colin Bentley were displayed to members of the public for the first time.

With a motif to the exhibition of "the South West Coast" the artist felt that the evening's entertainment should be similarly themed and so the lads duly took their place amongst the sumptuous surroundings and provided background music of a nautical nature which fitted well the period of the house's construction, even if it didn't match so precisely the gentility and sensibility of the work presented therein. 

21st day of October. Year of Our Lord 2015

CTCRM Officers' Mess, Lympstone

Weather:- Pleasant

Wind:- SW 3

On the occasion of the anniversary of Nelson's famous victory at the Battle of Trafalgar, Her Majesty's Royal Navy and Royal Marines like to celebrate the event and, for the past few years, those officers based at CTCRM Lympstone, have chosen the Exmouth crew to help them do so.

Always an evening of gravity mixed with remembered and current expressions of joy, it allows the buoys to deliver songs from their repertoire which are not often heard beyond the walls of such a Mess as well as those with which the assembled company, all in their finest dress uniforms, can join in. Tonight, as on previous occasions, this 'went down' as well as the French fleet did in 1805.

20th day of October. Year of Our Lord 2015

Bristol

Weather:- Extraordinary

Wind:- SSW 2

It is rare that the crew get to board one of the very greatest ships ever built in this land of such long maritime heritage but, on this evening in the historic port of Bristol, they did just that and found themselves on Brunel's finest sea-going feat of engineering.

Although tinged with the slight sadness of knowing that it was Isambard Kingdom's creation which, more than any other single factor heralded the gradual decline of sailing vessels, they much enjoyed exploring his behemoth and filling her decks with heartfelt songs and shanties.

When they ventured back towards Exmouth the buoys were clearly enriched by their experience and hope that those who witnessed their appearance in Bristol were similarly enriched by what they saw and heard.

16th day of October. Year of Our Lord 2015

Lichfield 

Weather:- Light cloud, mild temperatures 

Wind:- SSE 3

With a particularly long voyage to be completed, the Malarkey cast off her moorings shortly after the noon hour and headed North towards the landlocked city of Lichfield where, many a mile later, she arrived at the fine and ancient Guildhall.

The crew were welcomed warmly & hosted most kindly and, in return, headed up the evening's entertainment for the full house which assembled therein to enjoy listening and oft times contributing their own many voices to the rousing work songs and sad laments with which they were regaled.

Their efforts duly acknowledged and with words of appreciation ringing in their ears, the buoys undertook the blessedly quicker journey home, arriving safely well before dawn.

8th day of October. Year of Our Lord 2015

Exeter

Weather:- Light drizzle

Wind:- Calm

That the motley crew of the Malarkey should ever appear at one of the best sporting facilities in the country is surprising to say the least but, to Sandy Park they did travel this day to give their all, not on the green table-like surface outside, but inside amongst sumptuous surroundings such as are equally foreign to these hard-bitten sea dogs.

Standing where royalty had stood the previous day, they delivered their programme of rowdiness to all who would listen, before just reward by way of ale and sustenance was offered - and gratefully accepted. A pleasant evening all round and home in time for some to further enjoy a flagon or two as well.

1st day of October. Year of Our Lord 2015

Exeter

Weather:- Like summer

Wind:- ENE 2

The crew's association with Seasalt goes back several years during which they have appeared at various of the trader's outlets though never, until this day in the smart emporium in Gandy Street, Exeter, made famous as the inspiration for J K Rowling's creation of Diagon Alley.

To help encourage purchasers into the premises, the buoys sang outside the entrance and at other nearby places in the centre of the city, exciting comments and picture takers aplenty - and a few very puzzled shy glances - after which the company's local manager declared their efforts a great success; about which they were very pleased.

The earliest hours of the day saw the crew depart in carriages to Bristol whereupon they embarked a fast vessel for Krakow in Poland where, shortly after arriving and at a suitable hostelry, they attempted to catch up on a largely missed night's repose.

After an ale-accompanied repast in the evening hours, they appeared at the 'Stary Port' tavern in the city where, helped by Alfredo's selection of local volunteers and to a combination of great exuberance and enthusiastic audience participation, they proceeded to deliver a sample of their country's traditional shanties and sea songs to a more than willing audience. Their production of Polish flags at a certain point In proceedings was an inspired idea & welcomed by all those present, who greeted it with unrestrained clapping and cheering.

Rumour has it that beer was consumed and several varieties of local vodka sampled until late into the night.

As is customary at roughly this time in December each year, the crew assembled the kitty into which they had all been placing their meagre offerings over this last 12 month and brought together the whole to share an evening of sumptuous food and fine wine with their lady-folk.

On this occasion the chosen place for the ensuing shenanigans was 'The Waterfront' right down by the harbour and alongside the main estuary channel. The Full Moon of last week's end had heralded a change in the weather and, on such a windswept night as this, the creaking of the building's rain-lashed timbers added to the general ambience while the surrounding furnaces kept all warm while they ate their fill and sang the night away.

The party also had the (as always) immense pleasure of supping that most excellent of ales, known as Betty Stogs and gifted to them for the occasion by Skinners Brewery across the border down there in Kernow. They cheerfully, and with some sore heads, acknowledge this generosity.

Used to navigating at sea, some of the crew found reaching this pretty landlocked hamlet in south Devon rather more of a challenge and, despite the promise of waiting victuals, were somewhat delayed in their arrival. Arrive they did however, and duly tucked into a delightful light meal prepared personally by the inn's proprietor.

This most characterful ancient inn then echoed, as perhaps never before in it's 1100 years, to the sound of shanties for a large portion of the remaining eventide, with the buoys accompanied lustily by those who had come to see them; the whole ensemble being well lubricated by tankards of Betty Stogs ale, as created by their friends at Skinners Brewery in Truro.

This was certainly an example of a well- or perhaps that should be mis-spent evening.

A long post-meridian voyage took the Malarkey west towards The Lizard & their destination near Helston whence the crew were greeted warmly and, once fully searched for hidden weaponry, granted entrance to that part of the Air Station in which sustenance was located and shortly enjoyed.

Thereafter, vocal chords were stretched in remembrance of HMS Pickle; not least by those lads & lassies whose regular work is with the huge mechanical hoverflies which were almost constantly within hearing and needing to be drowned out by the combined efforts of so many a by now well-lubricated voice.

Late in the eve, and despite the even greater lack of visibility encountered, and numerous navigational obstacles, the Exmouth buoys reached home port and the safety of their hammocks.

It is but a short skull upstream from home port to the river edge of the Royal Navy's Commando Training facility and it was achieved without fuss, allowing the buoys to land in good time to entertain the Officers and Ladies there gathered to celebrate Admiral Nelson's most famous victory.

The beef was paraded and subsequently eaten; the beer and wine were drunk and later on, copious quantities of port were consumed while the Malarkey's upstanding crew played their full part in proceedings as in years before.

Some thicker than usual heads may be in evidence in both Exmouth & Lympstone in the morning.

Those good people from the district Rotary organisations either like the crew or are tone deaf, as this is the third occasion on which they have sought the services of their local, uncouth sailors to enliven proceedings at their gatherings.

This particular evening their fine dining had stretched long into the evening before they felt emboldened enough to welcome the buoys into their midst (and possibly thus to risk indigestion) but they need not have worried as many, and particularly some of the ladies present it was noted, not only enjoyed the saucy offerings which followed; but greatly partook of the mood thus engendered.

Apparently, this was the very last such event to be held by this organisation. Rarely before have the Malarkey's lads been able to say that they well and truly finished something off .... other than beer of course.

The Malarkey was left tied up in harbour while other transport was sought to take the lads to what is pretty much the furthest point from the sea in England to help Associated British Ports celebrate their successes around the country.

Even in so greatly a land-locked city as Birmingham, the volume and clarity of performance both outside the venue tavern and inside it afterwards attracted smiles of recognition for some of the songs and some lusty joining in from the assembled company of desk-bound landlubbers and several of those who will name Westminster and the Houses of Parliament as their place of work.

The late-night journey home passed quite painlessly in pleasant chatter and quiet snoring from some.

16th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2014

Oxford Street, London

Weather:- Pleasant & fine
Wind:- WNW 4

An early morning start on the iron horse to - and later back from - the capital city was hindered by unexpected disruptions; as was the subsequent use of a new-fangled vertical transportation system, which caused consternation and an increased level of perspiration for some. Despite this, the crew managed to arrive in the correct part of the well known shoppe of one John Lewis, to celebrate that it is now even older than Terry Firmer.

Being unused to finding themselves any further west within the ' big smoke' than Wapping led to some strange behaviours, such as the two perceived poster buoys cosying up in rather odd ways, before the whole of the travelling party were escorted to the building's roof where they proceeded to break into song; wisely as far from the general public as possible. Food was consumed thereafter and Exmouth reached again before the dog watch.

3rd day of August. Year of Our Lord 2014

Dukes, Sidmouth

Weather:- Not quite as predicted
Wind:- NW 4 - 5

There were plenty of 'Folk' in Sidmouth when the Malarkey furled her sails after the brief morning reach. Painted faces and strange costumes abounded along the Esplanade as the buoys made their way to "Dukes" where they were due to entertain the masses.

This they did with much help from a (mainly) willing audience, several of whom appeared to know the words better than the crew and who were more than happy for the chance to join in the oral and aural lunchtime feast that was offered. There is rumour that a second voyage east will be undertaken in a couple of days time.

As in the previous few years on the corresponding date, early arrivals to this fundraising event encountered a band of particularly unsavoury sailors half way down the path to the Cove. Fortunately they were assaulted only with noise and raucousness.

Those who ventured all the way down the steep slope to eat, drink and make merry with all that was on offer enjoyed some peace and pleasantry before the self-same band of ruffians arrived to regale them further with songs of the sea, often with a decidedly salty flavour.

The crew sincerely hope that their efforts helped the Trinity Sailing Foundation to raise many guineas. 

8th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2014
Exmouth
Weather:-  Blustery
Wind:- SW 6

On an unusually grim day in this most benign part of Devon, the crew boarded the "Pride of Exmouth" for an afternoon cruise. Aboard and waiting to be serenaded were many of those folk who write for a living in periodicals and journals throughout the land and the venture was designed to show them, and through them their readers, the joys of the geologically renowned 'Jurassic Coast' and the facilities and wonderment it has to offer to all who choose to visit. 

With marvellous timing, the weather cheered up immensely as the moorings were slipped and, excepting a rather vigorous wind, a pleasant few hours were heralded; though not before the voyage was altered from a coastal to an estuarine one in order to avoid the possibility of the land-lubbers being upset after their recent repast by the pitching and yawing of the ship.

In the end, a very fine time was reportedly had by all.

23rd day of April. Year of Our Lord 2014
Beer, East Devon
Weather:-  A very pleasant evening
Wind:- SW 2

Properly stowing their travelling chests with gear for the first time this year, the buoys made the hardly arduous sail along the coast to the village of Beer where they beached the Malarkey and marauded up the main street to the Dolphin Hotel.

There they found that the Jurassic Folk Club was expecting them and, with a full house of mainly local and some very much more distant aficionados of the genre assembled expectantly, they sang with their usual combination of gusto and pathos in what can only be described as a perfect way to make the opening voyage of what is set to be a busy time for them over these next months.

The crew is most grateful for the welcome they received; and for the return of those ship's effects apparently 'borrowed' by the villagers while they were ashore.

19th day of April. Year of Our Lord 2014
Bath
Weather:-  Sunshine breaking through
Wind:- SSE 3

After nigh on two months of inactivity in home port it was good to begin what is set to be a very busy season with this first trip to the mellow city of Bath, where the buoys were welcomed to the newly opened premises of clothing retailers 'Sea Salt' who hail from Cornwall.

The Easter-busy streets of the town were further cluttered by the crew who rejoined in song all and sundry, whether pedestrians or those passing by on horse and cart or in handsome cabs, to enter the shoppe and part with their hard-won weekly wage; in which effort they proved most efficacious.

Travelling back to Exmouth in the day's twilight, they will now draw breath before embarking on the many voyages which lay just ahead.

24th day of February. Year of Our Lord 2014
Via Bristol
Weather:-  Rain
Wind:- WSW 6

With pride in their hearts and their trophy safely tucked away in a kitbag, the lads made the return voyage to Exmouth, once again in record and quite alarmingly quick time. It was almost as though they were flying.

Although their first trip to central Europe had been an enormous success as already logged, it had also taken its toll and upon arrival in home port, many of the crew succumbed to the illness that one of their number had generously shared with them over the days away. If nothing else, this allowed a brief respite during which the effects of Polish vodka could finally be shed.

23rd day of February. Year of Our Lord 2014
Back to the Rotunda
Weather:-  Winter sun
Wind:- Calm

At around midday, the Malarkey's crew were called upon to play their part in the final mass celebration of traditional shanty singing which was held in the Rotunda - scene of their previous night's efforts - by topping the bill.

Among the many who performed in this grand finale, it is noteworthy that the Russians were outstanding, and Malgorzata Rolak quite superb as the Director of the Chor Akademii Marynarki Wojennej.

After the show however, the greatest possible accolade was given to the buoys by the organisers of the whole Festival when they were presented with the "Stan Hugill Trophy" for the 'most authentic shanties'. As this is precisely what they have been trying to re-create since their very first voyage, it was fine recognition indeed.

22nd day of February. Year of Our Lord 2014
Still in Krakow
Weather:-  Very mild for the time of year
Wind:- WSW 3

The threat of being sent to the salt mines this day, under which the buoys had been since their arrival, was lifted at the last minute and thus they were able to spend many hours doing little except lazing around the Rotunda Cultural Centre.

Later on, however, they were once again called upon to show their best to the assembled gathering of some five hundred shanty aficionados. Food and other forms of liquid sustenance followed.

Rumour has it that by late evening the Bosun had some difficulty in controlling his eyes once Sophie appeared and that the Anchorman almost pulled some sort of hawser; though perhaps, as he has never been known to pick up more than a tankard, this may have been misheard.

21st day of February. Year of Our Lord 2014
Krakow
Weather:-  Unseasonably warm
Wind:- W 2

Sore heads ensured that the early part of the morn was unseen. During the remainder of the day however wonderful local victuals were sought and enjoyed before the business of the day ensued.

After mustering for practice with many other shanty crews from around Europe, our lads headed for the 'Stary Port Tavern' where, with some accompanying hair of the dog, they did their very best to show what true English seamen can do with voice and action before wending their weary way back to their lodgings.

For the presence of the ship's new surgeon on this run ashore, some had much gratitude.

20th day of February. Year of Our Lord 2014
Krakow via Bristol
Weather:-  Too dark to tell
Wind:- SW 3

In the very smallest hours of the day such crew as were available departed Exmouth for Bristol whence, before they knew it, they seemed to arrive in Poland.

After locating their hostel they had a free day for which warnings were given about mixing beer with the local intoxicating distillation of potatoes. In the true style of British sailors abroad this admonition was completely ignored and thus little more is known about either the day or evening, other than several unreliable reports of the ship's cook, Mr Minella, trying to dance in some hostelry or other.

Sleep apparently followed in varying degrees of peacefulness for all.

1st day of February. Year of Our Lord 2014
The Village Hall, Lympstone
Weather:-  Temporarily dry
Wind:- ESE 3

Having rowed upstream to that place oft known to them as 'North Exmouth' the lads came upon a wedding party in full swing at the local Hall with many foregathered therein, whether landlubber or not, dressed in similar - though fairly cleaner & smarter - attire.

Invited to partake of the jollity, and with the promise of a fresh-caught and cooked fish or two as reward, their early planned return to the estuary mouth was delayed by a well received bout of singing, much of which was enjoined in both note and action by bride, groom and sundry senior and junior merrymakers.

25th day of January. Year of Our Lord 2014
The Lifeboat Station, Exmouth
Weather:-  Decidedly cool with horizontal showers
Wind:- SSW 6-7 gusting G8

Fortunately for all those brave lads from our local lifeboat crew who had donned their sou'westers and swapped their usual mode of transport to ride penny farthings and boneshakers from Honiton to Exmouth, the very worst of the weather only hit once they were safely back under cover.

Which, of course, is where the not-so-courageous crew of the Malarkey - accompanied by their new Ship's Surgeon (fast finding his sea legs) Mr Dai Wright - were waiting to greet them and support their gallant effort to fleece the general public of East Devon of as many of their hard-earned groats as possible. Song was enjoined by all; along with a little participation and some victuals.

15th day of December. Year of Our Lord 2013
The Beach, Exmouth
Weather:-  Driving rain
Wind:- SW 7

The planned community, shanty-led singing of 'Carols on the Quay' was defeated for the first time in its 5 year history by the torrential rain and near gale force winds that prevailed, and was held instead in the warm and dry environs of The Beach where the lads were joined by other local musicians and as many folk who braved the weather as could be accommodated.

This change of plan did however save the crew from walking the whole twenty paces from the quayside to end up there anyway as they'd arranged to do and sing the night away to anyone brave enough to stay and listen. What a very pleasant, informal way to end a busy, far-travelling year: Back in home port, in a tavern right beside the harbour, enjoying a home-cooked meal together and drinking good ale.

All the buoys offer, through this Log, their most sincere thanks to everyone who has supported their efforts in 2013 in the many and varied ways that they certainly have been supported and as they head off for a brief shore leave, they wish you a very Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year.

13th day of December. Year of Our Lord 2013
Devoncourt Hotel, Exmouth
Weather:- Unseasonably mild
Wind:- W 4-5

Having been to a particularly pleasant restaurant earlier in the week, the Malarkey left port briefly, to cruise easily along the length of the esplanade before off loading her goggle-eyed crew to the sumptuous surroundings of the sun room at the Devoncourt Hotel. Shocked at this peculiar turn of events, our rough and ready buoys checked their calendar only to find that it was Friday the 13th. Could there be something afoot they wondered?

But, no. All was well. They were expected and well received by those fit and healthy souls who choose to forsake the many diverse methods of transport available to them locally and instead, to walk from place to place, exercising their 'happy feet'. It may have helped that said audience had, immediately beforehand, enjoyed a large and well lubricated meal.

10th day of December. Year of Our Lord 2013
Chronicle Restaurant, Exmouth
Weather:- No-one noticed
Wind:- Perhaps ... later

Each year at around this time the crew enjoy a seasonal social get-together accompanied by their fair longsuffering wives and girlfriends.

The venue, as last year, was the Chronicle Restaurant on Chapel Hill in Exmouth and all who so foregathered were wined and dined in sumptuous style by their hosts, Kathy and Ricardo, who looked after them wonderfully while coping remarkably well with the usual bouts of singing in between courses.  

And they give thanks also to their friends at the aforementioned Skinners for the generous gift of fine ale.

3rd day of December. Year of Our Lord 2013
Bay Horse Inn, Totnes
Weather:- Remarkably mild
Wind:- SSW 2

As a thank you to Skinners Brewery for their support again this year, the lads cruised down to the upper reaches of the navigable Dart and trotted along to the Bay Horse Inn, where they squeezed themselves into a back corner on the first of Totnes' seasonal late shopping nights.

Thirsts regularly quenched with the finest of beers by the aforementioned brewers and bellies filled wonderfully and variously by the Real Food Company and the inn's kitchen courtesy of Kathy and Rob, many songs were rendered with full gusto and more to a sardine-like and willing audience of shoppers, drinkers, singers and the local Beltane Border Morris side.

A high time was apparently enjoyed and appreciated by all.

19th day of November. Year of Our Lord 2013
Castle Hotel, Bradninch
Weather:- Brass Monkeys
Wind:- NE 4

For a change, the lads embarked on a run ashore inland, towards the wilds of mid-Devon in the fine town of Bradninch, where some locals regularly offer a folk music club for those of similar mind and to which this motley crew had been invited.

Sandwiched between some other fine performances and several vital breaks for liquid refreshment our brave buoys sang in their finest tones a selection of boisterous and melancholy songs depicting their life at sea at the time of the square riggers.

Despite being only mid November, the journey home late in the evening was cold enough for some light icing on the sheets and spars.

17th day of November. Year of Our Lord 2013
Clovelly Herring Festival
Weather:- Pleasingly mild
Wind:- NNW 1

Once more invited to return to this most picturesque north Devon harbour village, the crew prepared for another day of freezing their parts off on the quayside wall, only to find themselves sweltering in their excessive thermals while the weather remained unseasonably and stubbornly mild.

For some, the stroll down the cobbled hillside street to the sea was sufficient legwork for one day while for others the hike half way back up midway through the excursion for some victuals proved thoroughly worthwhile.

In between times, and in celebration of those silver-sided darlings caught in such profusion by the local fishermen, a number of shanties were sung from the corner of the beach to the entertainment of listeners and bystanders above, below and all around.

8th day of November. Year of Our Lord 2013
Royal British Legion event
Weather:- Chilly
Wind:- WNW 3

For the third time, the buoys made themselves available to support this Festival of Remembrance held at Exmouth Pavilion in honour of those brave souls who over the past century have given their lives for their country. This annual evening is held to raise vital funds for any ex-Servicemen and women who need help.

While thinking it is such an enormous shame that humanity still feels that waging war is either a good or productive way to proceed, offering their presence at this event and remembering those who have fallen is the least the crew, in the company of other like-minded performers, is able to do.

11th day of October. Year of Our Lord 2013
Wessex Rotary Conference
Weather:- Suddenly autumnal
Wind:- NNW 5-6

And so, on a blustery and cool early evening the lads found themselves for the second time this year and after a pleasant journey, at the Stage Door of the Plymouth Pavilions ready to share a couple of hours of Devon/Cornish mix once again with Dalla for the entertainment of numerous Rotarians from an English shire to the east. As before, the two bands complemented each other well and elicited some favourable comments from their audience.

There was even talk at the end of our brave buoys being invited down to the furthest reaches of Kernow at some future date for renewed shenanigans by a kind (or possibly deaf) Gentleman who had been witness to this evening's raucousness.

Many hours after first setting out, a very late homecoming was ensured by the many obstacles placed in their path by the powers that be on the roadway to Exmouth this night that it would have been far easier and probably quicker had they voyaged around the coast by sea!

17th day of September. Year of Our Lord 2013
Run ashore up river
Weather:- Very pleasant
Wind:- WSW 3

With little better to do, a number of the crew decided to row upstream to that most satisfying Exeter port town of Topsham, whereupon they needed refreshment after their exertions and fair marauded into The Lighter Inn.

After an ale or two they wandered up Fore Street to The Globe and thereafter to the Passage House Inn along Ferry Road from whence they rolled their way back to the quay and thus eventually made way down river to Exmouth - a fine evening having been spent in purposeful pursuit of pleasure.

15th day of September. Year of Our Lord 2013
Sea Food Festival day 2, Sandy Bay, Exmouth 
Weather:- Not so clever
Wind:- WNW 6

Having travelled home to their wives and mistresses at the end of yesterday's exertions, the buoys gathered once more at the Devon Cliffs park mid-morning in rather less clement conditions. Swiftly deciding (in true sailor-like fashion that they didn't wish to get wet) they decamped to the warmth and comparative cosiness of the South Beach Café.

With many fewer to sing to this day, they did their best and, despite the early departure of all the outside stallholders bar the one purveying shellfish, determined to carry on until all inside the eatery had heard quite enough.

And thus, once more, back to the dockside area of home port for a quiet evening in!

14th day of September. Year of Our Lord 2013
Sea Food Festival, Sandy Bay, Exmouth 
Weather:- Pleasant and mild
Wind:- NW 2

Asked to provide some salty sea songs to accompany this weekend celebration of local shellfish and seafood, the crew made the exhausting journey across town to the Eastern fringes atop the cliffs at Sandy Bay.

After an initial aural assault or two on those outside who had come to assess the quality of market stalls set up in the vicinity, they wandered into the South Beach Café and proceeded to interrupt at various points in time the indigestion of numerous folk there eating previously in peace. A good time was had by some they gather and they certainly enjoyed the crab-based food they were given mid-way through the day to keep them going.

1st day of September. Year of Our Lord 2013
Lyme Folk Weekend 
Weather:- Pleasant
Wind:- NW 3

Invited to be a part of this inaugural event in the town made famous by its Cobb, the buoys made way along the Lyme Bay coast and arrived late morning whereupon they made their way to the refectory.

With spirits uplifted by provision of food, they decided to introduce the seaside throng to their own, individual interpretation of sailor-songs with a short rendering of such by the beached anchor on Marine Parade. Afterwards, they went first to The Pilot Boat and subsequently to Town Mill Square to entertain, if that is the correct word, further unknowing folk who happened along.

Later, as the day's sun was setting majestically behind the hills, they made the short voyage back to Exmouth for what they believe to be a well-earned ten days or so of shore leave.

27th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Journey home part 2 
Weather:- A sea fret giving way to overcast
Wind:- SSW 2

A very calm crossing of the sea from Holland gave the crew the chance of an early morning disembarkation in Essex which only required a few more carriage rides to get them back to Exmouth.

One of the more educated among them, using most of his fingers and toes deduced that they had taken a grand total of some 19 carriages in the six days since they left home six days previously, in addition to the two sea voyages, and a feeling was shared that should they return at any time, the furthest reaches of the Netherlands were best travelled to by an alternative route.

By mid afternoon though, all were safely back in North or central Exmouth with a day or two for the visiting of well-known ale houses and other shore-based pastimes before their next, short voyage eastwards along the coast of Lyme Bay.

26th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Journey home part 1
Weather:- Hot and beautiful 
Wind:- Calm

This was a day of many carriage rides, through Groningen and on to Amsterdam where the buoys enjoyed a pause of several hours.

Finding that Angelique was temporarily unable to accommodate them, they found solace with Ellen at Hotel Old Nickel, where they quickly reduced her to tears with their rendering of Mingulay, it making her reminisce of her native Scotland.

Thereafter, various districts of Amsterdam were individually explored with great interest; some which were made pretty by the juxtaposition of water, trees, buildings and bridges; and some which had different attractions on show.

It was with eyes newly and widely opened that the crew later boarded their next carriage which would take them to the port for departure for England ....... but not before a few of them had popped quietly back to the Café Int Aepjen, where Angelique obliged them most graciously.

25th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
International Shanty Festival "Bie Daip" 2013
Weather:- Sunny and hot
Wind:- Easterly 2 backing 5

Something that escaped the Log yesterday was the Bos'n managing to miss a pre-arranged Bosun's Locker meeting with the crew while he lusted after a group of foreign maidens from eastern Europe. Today saw him still with dewy eyes and a strange facial expression. Meanwhile today the ship's carpenter had spent some large proportion of his early morning light-duty hours making similarly unsubtle eyes at the wife of the local mole-catcher. There must be something in the water ... or perhaps there should be.

The crew gave a memorable performance on the Festival's main stage this afternoon, with two members of Armstrong's Patent when invited to assist a rope pull, trying their very hardest to unsettle our Anchorman, used as he is to doing little in response to such activity. That shenanigans aside, all went well and was followed by further outings, first to the Bar Meneer Jansen and then once more at the Kameleon.

The Festival's Grand Finale was dealt with without any difficulty - although the sight of the Malarkey's Bos'n, Cook and Anchorman attempting a particular dance should not be commented upon further - and was remarked upon by all because of it's fine arrangement and feeling of shared enjoyment for all concerned.

This was followed by a celebratory feast for everyone and much carousing was enjoyed late into the evening.

24th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
International Shanty Festival "Bie Daip" 2013
Weather:- Bright and breezy
Wind:- Easterly 4 - 5

Early in the morning Appingedam's town square opposite the copper merchant's house museum was transformed into a lively and clearly thriving produce market with the arrival of many pedlars, accompanied by a wandering minstrel.

The day's first vocal offering was over the canal at the Pavilion and the attendance there of an artist led to the following day's paper notification of local matter carrying images of our lads in the single most prominent way.

Yet this was just the beginning of a long day of performance which our lads also undertook further efforts on a barge voyage around the town, outside a trading establishment and at three different bars and hostelries within the very small confines of the town centre, all of which appeared to be popular with those there to witness the spectacle.

Most fittingly for this crew on a Saturday, they completed their day and evening's busy-ness at 'de Oude Rechtbank', better known in their own tongue as the Old Courthouse. At what hour they were released, no-one is apparently able to say.

23rd day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Journey across Holland to the 'Bie Daip' Festival
Weather:- Misty to start but hot & sunny later
Wind:- S to SE 4

Arrival in Rotterdam was greeted with a general acknowledgement that the Netherlands are flat! But well treed.

Once the very long journey across the entire breadth of the country was finished, a meal of vast quantity was greatly enjoyed at the Bovengroningen Hostelry in Delfzijl until all had to admit defeat.

And so it was that with their later arrival in Appingedam, and with necessary duties done, the buoys assembled at the Café op de Hoek to begin their weekend's work, at the International Shanty Festival 'Bie Daip', of showing the good burghers of the town how shanties should be sung, in which endeavour they were informally assisted by the similarly visiting Norwegian crew of Riggerloftet Shantychoir who were also in town.

Not content with this, the buoys subsequently moved on to the Bar Kameleon to repeat the exercise before wandering off to their various lodgings.

22nd day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
To the North Sea coast and beyond
Weather:- Sunny and clear
Wind:- SSW 3 - 4

A long journey by carriage was to be this day's main undertaking with eventual arrival in the East Anglian port of Harwich the end product, whence departure for the Netherlands was effected without much ado.

After resolving some considerable confusion over bunking arrangements and the consternation this caused, the voyage across was quite calm.

12th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Back across the Channel
Weather:- Grey in France, sunny in England!
Wind:- Strengthening North Westerly

The voyage towards home was accompanied by a noticeable swell and was one well spent with some eating and occasionally a little sleeping, interspersed with much laughter which brought tears to the eyes in shared acknowledgement of enhanced comradeship. Arrival at Plymouth was achieved in uneventful fashion and after the inevitable lengthy delay of passage from dockside to town, the ride back to Exmouth was as rapid as could be expected.

And so, with that feeling of a task completed well, the lads then dispersed according to their various priorities; some venturing towards favoured hostelries, others to wives and home.

11th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Paimpol 'Festival du Chant de Marin' day 3
Weather:- Cloud giving way to lighter skies
Wind:- Calm

The day began in St Quay with two aforementioned crewmen once more displaying physical prowess in the waves while the more sensible enjoyed beverages on land and the Cook, who had been successively turfed out of several different rooms during the night, yet to be seen.

All meeting up in Paimpol, our assembled group performed an impromptu song or three to secure their invitation to Oostende in the Spring of next year and then retreated to the safe haven of their favourite café for an hour or two of relaxation before once again venturing round to Vigilance for a brief interlude there.

The evening saw the crew fed in typical French style with snails and other crustaceans before it finally drew to a close with their last performance at midnight in the 'Taverne Guinness' offered to those who were still therein at this late hour. Congratulations and thanks must be given to those brave souls and the buoys can only thank them for staying awake right through to the end.

The carriage ride back to their lodgings left the crew with just enough time to close their eyes before having to open them again in time to leave for England shortly after dawn.

10th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Paimpol 'Festival du Chant de Marin' day 2
Weather:- Warm sunshine
Wind:- WSW 2 - 3

Fully breakfasted in the village of St Quay, the Bos'n and Mr Heights decided to sample the water of the bay and disproved the theory that sailors cannot swim.

And thus, having so exercised, they joined the others and made their way to Paimpol for a late lunchtime performance on the 'Bateau Fee de L'Aulne', from which quayside vantage point, passers-by were aurally (and at one moment, courtesy of the baguette projected by the ship's carpenter, physically) assaulted by the lads' usual gusto-filled singing.

An invitation from Captain Smith of Veronica was accepted with alacrity and in the vocal exchange between crews, there was the unexpected treat of a beautiful song, composed by Jo and rendered with great skill by the Veronica's company (fortunately without Clive acting as described) and much pleasantry and pathos was shared by the two crews together as they fondly remembered a lost friend, some hours after which, on their return to St Quay, some of the Malarkey's crewmen retired to their bunks, one with a head made giddy by wine, while others made way for the town's inns in which the English soundly beat the French on the final tavern's table.

9th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Paimpol 'Festival du Chant de Marin'
Weather:- Grey but dry, sun later
Wind:- SW 3 to Westerly 4

A night on board riding the swell was followed by a calm arrival in Brittany and a carriage ride to Saint Quay de Prideaux, whence to Paimpol. A marvellous French lunch was enjoyed before the buoys met up with Vigilance and her crew to arrange a later get-together and locate harbourside watering holes and other necessary points of reference such as the stage on which they would perform in the evening.

A late run back to St Quay ended a long day which had witnessed a competent entertaining of those many who were present at Scene Pampoull for the first of the lads scheduled appearances, though any hoped-for sleep was limited by the sparseness of any comfort or quiet at their temporary lodgings at the Lycee de la Closerie in which a thorough application of goose fat to all door hinges and bed frames would not have gone amiss. 

8th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
Exmouth to Brittany
Weather:- Sun the cloud
Wind:- Southerly 3

After an uneventful overland journey to Plymouth docks, embarkation for Roscoff was managed without any difficulty and, once aboard, the crew drank some ale and ate hearty meals before singing a lullaby or two to those gathered around and then locating their bunks for the remainder of the voyage. 

6th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
'Sidmouth Festival', Devon
Weather:- Warm and dry
Wind:- SSW 2

Patrons of the Anchor, Black Horse, Swan, York and Faulkner, Bedford, Sailing Club and elsewhere were paid a surprise visit by the lads, accompanied by a posse of festival-going followers, in order that they should be politely fleeced of their available loose coinage in support of the town's most splendid but independent lifesaving vessel. A task that proved highly successful.

In between bouts of singing there was noticed to be a certain amount of recharging of tankards by the crew but they managed to stay on their feet long enough to make a triumphant return late in the evening to their starting point in the 'Middlebar' thus proving that rumours about their navigation are somewhat unfounded.

4th day of August. Year of Our Lord 2013
'Wickham Festival', Hampshire
Weather:- Cloudy but dry
Wind:- SW 4 backing Westerly 6

The Malarkey's first voyage to Wickham began inauspiciously with the apologetic news on disembarking that there had been an organiser's error in their advertised plans. However, this was soon dealt with and an alternative arrangement settled upon.

Thus it was that the crew found themselves with a goodly amount of free time to negotiate the best available price for luncheon from various peddlars and traders in the vicinity, before assembling in the "Cinema" for a swiftly re-scheduled performance therein, which was followed almost immediately by another on the stage nearby, both of which were witnessed by large and apparently appreciative audiences prepared to participate as fully as requested. 

There is, so the buoys are led to believe, an invitation to next year's jollities already being scribed.

6th day of July. Year of Our Lord 2013
'South Devon Shanty Festival', Dartmouth
Weather:- Cloudless & Fabulous
Wind:- SSW breezes

Having arrived by diverse methods of transport, the crew dressed The Bandstand to suit all & sundry who would perform there during the day and then headed to the quayside from where they serenaded passing ships and unsuspecting pedestrians.

While so doing, they were approached by Kate, a purveyor of the finest beverages, who asked if they would be interested in bartering a drink for a song or two. Never known to turn down such an invitation, our brave lads allowed her to lead them to the 'Café Alf Resco' where this perfect exchange took place. Warmed in belly and heart, they set out back to the centre of the day's activities for their planned assault on the hearing organs of the well-prepared burghers of Dartmouth.

There followed two, more or less equally lengthy attempts at singing, split neatly by the chance to devour some delicious pasties before the buoys boarded the Paddle Steamer 'Kingswear Castle', built in Dartmouth by Philip & Sons in 1924 and now the very last coal powered paddle steamer in the country, for a gentle song-accompanied cruise up the Dart to Dittisham and back down to the castle. All in all, a most pleasant way to spend a summer Saturday!

29th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2013
'Roger's Rant'. Milborne St Andrew
Weather:- Glorious
Wind:- Light westerly

It was a markedly different feeling as just half the crew sallied forth on this quite beautiful day to Dorset; the other half having been struck down by scurvy and other unspeakable afflictions which had thoroughly disrupted the original plans to follow their afternoon exploits with an evening on the harbourside at Poole.

Arriving in the village of Milborne, they found a small but friendly set up mainly within a large field no doubt more commonly used for archery practice and other sports. Fortunately, they also quickly located the village hostelry and by lunchtime, had opened their account therein with the Anchorman and Abner in particular making their customary eyes and advances to the ladies.

After the singing, mirth and jollity had at the Inn, and after a jug or two of ale had been supped, the buoys dragged themselves back up the hill to the sporting field where, later in the post-noon, they provided further entertainment to those gathered early in the hut for their supper and where no ranting Rogers at all were spotted. They were especially glad this day to have the company of Helen, whose voice was said to be in fine fettle. 

22nd day of June. Year of Our Lord 2013
Cockwood (or perhaps Cofton) Devon
Weather:- Squally rain showers and intermittent brightness
Wind:- SW variable

In the late afternoon, the Malarkey set sail on the rising tide to that village set on the opposite side of the estuary known variously as 'Cock-Wood' or 'Cockood' depending on local dialect; and upon disembarking, the crew were immediately directed to 'Cofton Village Green' which lay but a chain's length from the little harbour. Is it any wonder they were even more confused than usual?

On reaching the Green they found a number of villagers ensconced thereupon, arranged either on tarpaulins or more comfortably in a fine range of outdoor seating and quite ready to eat, drink and make merry; the variety of sou'westers and warm clothing being disported suggesting that they may most probably have done this before.

Following their best efforts to enhance the early evening merry-making the buoys made haste to the temporary field cookhouse to avail themselves of the freshly prepared hot food on offer while downing an ale or two and prior to setting sail in the darkening skies for that place with but one simple name that they call home. 

16th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2013
Coast and Estuary, Exmouth
Weather:- Rain, wind and decidedly cool
Wind:- SW 6

Upon invitation by the town's administrators, a bevvy of scribes who sample and write about food had assembled in our home port to be shown around the finest eating places. After spending the previous evening at 'Les Saveurs', they had broken their fast at 'Coast' and, before spending their second evening in town enjoying the delights of 'The Chronicle', embarked on a cruise which ended at the remarkable 'River Exe Café' floating as it does, midstream on its pontoon.

Those lads still vocally fit after the long day before, joined these souls on the ship to introduce them to the true sound of Exmouth, before them as were able to do so also accompanied them in the sampling of fare offered by Richard and his team. Suffice to say that even Mr Nails was defeated by the sheer quantity of quite delicious culinary delights presented; and Mr Clew was heard to mutter as he left that no more food would be required by him for some time! 

15th day of June. Year of Our Lord 2013
Falmouth International Sea Shanty Festival
Weather:- Unexpectedly good
Wind:- SSW 3

After a year away, ploughing the seas elsewhere on the given date, it was good to have the Malarkey sailing back to Cornwall for this festival of all things shanty.

A morning spent on 'The Moor' was well enough received by a rather small and far-flung audience but this was adequately balanced, after a necessary pause for pasties and beer, by a late afternoon hour or so spent entertaining those packed into the 'Watersports Centre'. With Betty Stogs in attendance all around the harbour venues, our cook's heart was sent a-fluttering in the earlier showing and, so far as others could tell, was only settled again just in time for the second spasm.

From the Watersports Centre, our intrepid lads were whisked off to the furthest eastern reaches of the town to surprise those who sought to spend their evening in the hitherto restrained and polite surroundings of the Royal Cornwall Yacht Club. Their initial shock at the invasion soon gave way to merriment however as the buoys shared their experiences with the local sailors and made eyes at the ladies so foregathered. 

A late journey home followed close on behind but not until two standing ovations and the cries of "more, more" had faded on the gentle breeze. The crew wish to express here their gratitude to Skinners Brewery for their generosity both to the Malarkey and to this festival, which would be hard-pushed to survive without it.

2nd day of June. Year of Our Lord 2013
Brewer's Quay, Weymouth
Weather:- Beautiful
Wind:- WSW 1

An easy voyage along that part of the southern coastline now commonly referred to as the "Jurassic Coast" saw the crew draw alongside in Weymouth in the late morning, ready to take by storm the temporary staging emplaced in Brewer's Quay.

Normally a quiet and sedate part of  the Old Harbour, the former peace and quiet of a Sunday morning had earlier been interrupted by dancing in the streets and the playing of music, only to be further split asunder by the buoys announcing their presence in their usual raucous fashion.

This done, and the good burghers of the town having been fleeced of much silver coin by the crew's travelling 'Ladies' in exchange for dubious goods, the lads left the town to others and boarded the Malarkey to set sail homewards on the ebb tide.  

29th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
Home Port - Exmouth
Weather:- Variable
Wind:- NW 2 - 5

Dragging themselves from various nearby hostelries after a day misspent, the crew boarded 'Pride of Exmouth', on which they had last sailed exactly one year ago and where they were surrounded by an entire boat-full of landlubbers wrapped up against the expected evening's chill.

Making way at first along the coastline eastwards there came a point where the sea was sufficiently chopped up and the increasing wind and rain sufficiently uncomfortable that 'Pride' was tacked towards the relative calm of the estuary which she navigated gently for the remainder of the voyage.

From reports given as the passengers disembarked, they had had a splendid evening and were most pleased to have been on board listening to and even joining in with the caterwaulings of the crew.

And it is also important to have here recorded the buoys' thanks to Ian, Philippa and their team at Stuart Line Cruises, both on board and on shore, for their generosity in gifting once again this year, all proceeds from the evening to the Exmouth Festival. 

26th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
Home Port - Exmouth
Weather:- Sunny and warm
Wind:- W1

The crew's joy at being back in the Manor Gardens at their home festival week, where it almost all began for them, was almost unbounded. There is nowhere they would rather have been on this quite fabulous early summer's day. The entire grassed area, and much of the in-between, was packed to bursting point and the lads - despite one or two tired vocal chords - gave it their all.

This concert marked the official launch of their most recent assemblage of songs, known as "Runashore", which the throngs were encouraged to purchase for the exchange of small quantities of gold coin. What finer place to do so.

Joined on stage at the end by numerous 'Half Pint' shantyers (or children if you would prefer) who had learned their words earlier in the forenoon, this grand finale was met with rapturous applause before the boys shot off to a nearby inn.

25th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
Chippenham, Wiltshire
Weather:- Beautiful
Wind:- Calm

After a long but easy horse ride to this pleasant inland town the buoys duly mustered, as I'm sure you will be surprised to read, in a central hostelry known as the Bear Inn. After essential sustenance was absorbed, they sallied forth to the most delightful 'Yelde Hall' where, with "Shanty" Jim Mageean and Graham Knights, they educated all and sundry with some shanty history set in the context of the songs.

Later in the evening, repairing to the green of the land next the river, they found themselves in a large tent alongside Jim and Graham, for an hour or two's entertainment of those there foregathered. The evening was enhanced by the presence of several other crews and much joviality was had, after which Shanty Jim was heard to say of the lads "You are great showmen; and great at what you do". High praise indeed from one who has wandered the shanty seas all across the world for so many a year. 

17th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
Exeter
Weather:- Almost Spring-like
Wind:- SW2

With little ado, the Malarkey sailed upstream to the county town, carefully avoiding the many thousands who were travelling to a different part thereof for the large annual show of agricultural skills and produce.

Upon arrival on St David's Hill they were escorted through the locked door leading to the cellar workroom of the lovely Sheila Blige, with whom they spent a most pleasant half hour talking and rendering their best abbreviated version of that song, writ by the Bosun's not-so-fair hand and relating to beverages from abroad.

Sheila managed to behave in anticipated fashion, and to disport herself with great good humour, and the buoys for their part returned to port, their morning voyage successfully accomplished.

12th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
Blankenberge to Exmouth
Weather:- Grey, cold, wet, windy
Wind:- NW 5

Thanks for the invitation and wonderful hospitality having been extended to Peter and Fio and, with their work in Belgium now completed, the crew and accompanying Ladies dragged themselves early from their hammocks and after another sumptuous breakfast repast walked to where they were to board the first of the various carriages that would take them back to England.

With several halts for horses to be refreshed, Mr Nails to take on extra ballast and the Anchorman to keep his liquid levels up to the mark, and having successfully navigated their way through diverse metropolises en route, the lads finally made sedate progress down the Exe estuary towards their home port with a general feeling of satisfaction pervading throughout. 

11th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
Blankenberge, Belgium
Weather:- Occasionally very wet, always windy
Wind:- NW 5 backing NNW 7

Suppered and rested well after their exertions yesterday, and after another breakfast feast supplied by the ever-pleasing Inge, the buoys set forth once more out into the weather; this time to wander the town and subject its inhabitants to unexpected warbling from various steps and corners, raising smiles from several and a cheer from a group of young female sea apprentices.

During the afternoon a rain-induced rescheduling moved the lads into the main festival tent where, competing with a group of men demonstrating the art of pile driving immediately outside, they held their rhythm and gave a beautifully paced performance, before once again finding themselves playing in the round within the Captain's Circle where they found plenty of volunteers to help them haul the ropes.

After a necessary break for food, the evening was completed with a final concert back in the main festival tent, at which all crews present in port gathered to render their best both individually and collectively to those assembled therein, braving the cold. Once over, our buoys adjourned to a nearby alehouse where, quite unplanned, they encountered the crew of 'Avis de Grand Frais' from Brittany and some of the local Shantykoor Blankenberge, which led to much joint and separate singing lasting into the early hours of the following morning.

10th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
North Sea Folk & Shanty Festival, Blankenberge
Weather:- Grey with a biting wind
Wind:- N 6-7

After a most wonderful breakfast at the Jose Hotel and an opportunity to orientate themselves in this new port, which mainly involved locating suitable waterside inns, and during which Molly had inconvenienced the local gendarmerie by blocking the road, our buoys reported as required to be given instructions for the remainder of their sojourn, whereupon they were presented to a most pretty and comely young wench by the name of Fioranna who had been given the unenviable task of looking after their every need. Sometimes a sailor's life can indeed be sweet.

Later in the day, and after freezing various delicate parts while having pictures made on board the unique sailing ship Endlicht and performing in the open on Leopoldstraate, the lads took refuge from the constant gales in the Captain's Circle and managed to amuse greatly those other shivering souls who had sought shelter within. So enamoured were they with this 'Spiegeltent' that it was decided that they would entertain there again later rather than  having to brave the elements again as originally planned.

It was during the second visit to the Spiegeltent that attention was drawn to the newest of the crew's Launching Ladies who was deporting herself in daring manner at the bar surrounded by foreign sailors and, or so we are told, charging them several sovereigns for the pleasure of her company. An enterprising lass who will go far on the Malarkey!

9th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
To Belgium
Weather:- Clement and cool
Wind:- NW 5

After mustering at the appointed time and place the crew boarded their transport, only to find already ensconced therein, their navigator heading the wrong way. Sirius, unavailable for this trip much to the relief of all those wishing to get to the destination as speedily as possible, had apparently decided to meet them to pass on his best advice! Once he had been removed from the carriage, all was well for the remainder of the outward journey and arrival in their hotel Belgique duly accomplished many hours later.

A meal was sought soon thereafter, with Mr Nails, as is customary, out-doing everyone else in being served a platter of vastly greater proportions than much of the rest put together. Oh how his wife will miss the wage that is thus spent! 

And thus to bed in the simple but clean lodgings so courteously provided by their hosts.

5th day of May. Year of Our Lord 2013
"Heart of Devon" Festival, Bow
Weather:- Hot and breezy
Wind:- SSW 3-4.

Never let it be said that our brave boys are merely heart-breakers with a girl in every port.

Invited to this very gentle festival in the heart of Devon on a beautiful spring day in rolling countryside and far from any visible water, the crew travelled by diverse methods to bring a little of their customary raucousness to this previously sedate Sunday afternoon.

During their all-too-brief stay, the lads took the village field by storm and - or so they believe - also stole the hearts of many of the buxom beauties found thereon. Between performances, the crew were seen to avail themselves of the services of the purveyors of victuals and fine ale where, amongst stalls offering many things, it was noticed that several were particularly struck by the delights of 'Beryl's Baps'.

23rd day of  April. Year of Our Lord 2013
Plymouth Pavilions
Weather:- Sunny & warm
Wind:- WSW1

After a very brief stop over in home port the Malarkey set sail almost immediately again to the west, this time to the well-known city of departure for the Pilgrim Fathers, where the crew found themselves in the most cavernous house they had ever seen and which is known as Plymouth Pavilions.

The lads shared the evening's entertainments with 'Dalla', a Celtic music band from across the Tamar and, faced with an audience of a thousand or more well-to-do ladies of the 'Inner Wheel', fresh (or otherwise) from their 2-day national conference, our noble boys sang for all they were worth - which of course some may say is not much at all. 

Proceedings ran a little late due to the tardy arrival of the ladies after their pre-concert repast but, that aside, all went to plan with the boys' vocal and thespian offerings being very well received and many of the audience joining in when invited to on songs they knew. Their final leaving of the stage at the end of the evening, alongside 'Dalla' who joined them for a final song or two, was greeted with loud applause and cheers.

They left for the homeward journey in the sure and happy knowledge that if they could satisfy so many ladies at once, the future was looking very promising indeed!

23rd day of January. Year of Our Lord 2013
The Grove public house
Weather:- Light snow
Wind:- W5

During the early part of the day, it had seemed at times quite likely that the planned evening's proceedings would be unable to go ahead due to the particularly wintery weather prevailing in much of Devon and especially on the southern edge of Dartmoor, whence the 'recording gentlemen' were in lodgings. However, the afternoon saw conditions improve and their arduous journey was undertaken successfully. Once again, The Grove was to be the inn of choice for the evening's shenanigans.

All being assembled and ready, including another audience of locals with nothing better to do; several beeswax cylinders were etched in the appropriate manner and many more songs, ably administered by the crew were thus recorded so as to be available to the general public some time hence during this coming Spring, when it is hoped they may agree that the whole endeavour was most worthwhile.

Mention must be made in this log of the bold gentlemen who travelled through the snows to undertake the task in hand, and the lads acknowledge with gratitude the considerable skills of Paul and Jamie Field, to whom they are indebted.

It is also entirely necessary to give such public thanks as may be offered here for the kindness of Anna and Jason in allowing us to use their hostelry. One can but hope that the sounds floating up the stairs to the rooms above, where they were lying on their sickbeds throughout both evenings, has spurred them on to a quick recovery.

22nd day of January. Year of Our Lord 2013
The Grove public house
Weather:- Hail and sleet
Wind:- SW4

The evening saw invited friends and motley acquaintances of the crew assembled in the upper room of the waterside inn known as The Grove in readiness for what they had been told would be a highly unusual experience. A brace of worthy gentlemen had earlier arrived from the moorside town of Bovey Tracey, bringing with them all sorts of very modern paraphernalia upon which to capture the sound of sung renditions of some favourite shanties and forebitters.

The buoys, having been thoroughly prepared for such an event were only slightly inhibited by the arrival of all the odd trappings and performed in their own inimitable way. They were subsequently led to believe that the results of their efforts were more than acceptable to the two aforementioned 'recordists' who promised to return the very next day to do more of the same. Many of the audience were aso heard to mutter that the lads had rarely been heard in better voice.

20th day of January. Year of Our Lord 2013
Exmouth promenade
Weather:- Extremely cold
Wind:- S2.